Making Things Personal!

“I could do with a larger social life. I could do with any social life,” I used to say to myself until I came up with a solution which ultimately left me with little peace: let me explain.

Every morning I would start the day by making myself tea, pour water in the kettle and assemble cup and tea bag before retrieving the milk from the fridge in readiness for the moment when the kettle started singing and arms whirred into action to create the perfect morning cuppa before reading the news while sitting in my favourite (only) chair.

Suddenly, well not suddenly, an idea seeped into that winelogged area called my brain and I decided to give everything a name and thereby personality. With this in mind, we will return to our tea making exercise and see what a difference a day makes when you are in company.

I walk into the kitchen and shout out “Morning Geoff,” (the kettle) “I’ll just put a splosh of water in you and then you can sing me your favourite tune when its ready!” Geoff doesn’t say anything but we all know he can really let rip when the mood takes him, or if he gets a bit hot around the elements.

That settled, I go to the cupboard (Sid) and take out Karl, my favourite mug which (who) has a picture of a duck on it (him) because everyone in my house loves ducks naturally. “Don’t worry mate,” I say, “I’ll put the milk in first so you don’t get scalded” and Karl makes a sort of clacking noise when he lands on the kitchen table to say thank you: he likes a bit of noise does Karl. Anyway, once Marion Milk has done her bit and returned to the fridge, ( she’s an attractive girl but rather frigid once she gets in my house sad to say ) I take Karl, now filled with precious liquid, and go and settle in Frieda, my favourite chair to talk about life and the coming day.

Credit where credit’s due, all my chums are tolerant and allow me to say anything you like without interrupting me if you ignore Geoff’s piercing singing voice and Karl’s insistent clacking, but then lads can be restless can’t they?

Now for the big stuff! Araminta Shirt, one of my favourites, has volunteered to clothe me today because she knows it’s a teaching day and smartness is required by the college were I offer fragments of  wisdom about subjects I hardly understand ! Other items of clothing, all with different names and outlooks, join her in the task of clothing me: varied in many ways but with a shared loyalty to meeee.

I think I overheard them saying once that clothing me was a chore, and not a privilege, and how they loved to be left in the closet where they could gossip with friends and relax in soothing darkness but I’m sure they still enjoy the odd adventure out on the trail: I like to think so anyway! I could be offended but, let’s be honest, we all love a snooze don’t we!

At last I venture into town, now in good company and immune to the pain of being unknown or ignored by the public at large. Just to let you know, I’ve become pretty close to the post box at the end of the street who asks me constantly if I’ve had a letter yet which is not a bill. “One day Frank, one day” I say because optimism in the face of facts is my “modus operandi;” a term they use in the college where I work.

It seems almost impossible to get a moment to yourself these days!!


About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, creative writing, Fiction, humour, Peter Wells, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

47 Responses to Making Things Personal!

  1. Jack Eason says:

    Your as barmy as I am Peter. You should here me when I make a mid morning sandwich! Open the fridge to get bread – one of those, Butter – some of that, etc,etc,etc. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is bloomin’ bonkers – and I like it! It’s one out of the bag, off the square, brilliant, etc etc. Now where was I? It’s early morning here, and I can’t find the jolly teapot in the fridge anywhere.


  3. mikesteeden says:

    My dear wife names everything. I must have her read this piece, Peter. I do however feel compelled to make mention of Arthur Senokot residing at the back of a cupboard…rarely sought out, but there ‘just in case’!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. delphini510 says:

    Thank you Peter for this great entertainment in the morning. It is both fun and in a way peaceful the way you go about making a cup of tea. I did notice that the newspaper wasn’t honoured with a name. Just think what you could say to it.:) or are you worried it might answer back…..they are far too talkative.
    Have fun

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Life after Sixty-Five says:

    I must try it! Love your creativity. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ksbeth says:

    we each find our way to connect to the world. he has found a way that is safe and comforting to him. and they are pretty low maintenance as acquaintances go. )

    p.s. i always name my cars. i will driving to school in sylvia today, who sometimes tends to get me lost, but always where i need to be in the end. she is such a character….)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh, this had me rolling, Peter!! What a gift for an otherwise dudly Monday…

    And perhaps made even funnier by the fact that I relate to it so well. I haven’t named my company for the most part (I’m terrible at remembering names), but I do talk to everything, both at home and at work. And it does help. Lol!

    Thank you for the laughs today. I needed them!


  8. Well this is just delightful! I’m going to spend the day naming my things…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jane says:

    This was sweet. I often name things and then forget their names. They become indignant and put out. Makes for a difficult time.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Arbie says:

    You’re brilliant! I adored this post and really laughed at the end. One day there’ll be a day without bills!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh, Peter, tax season or no, I really must find time to visit you on Monday mornings!


  12. The mugs will be delighted to see you I know. They worry about their financials I know!


  13. Al says:

    Walter, my humor gene, would like you to know how much he appreciated this. Sidney, my serious gene, has been holding far too much sway these days.


  14. Good strategy! The last line made me laugh 🙂


  15. Don’t laugh, but I always used to greet my two coin sorters every morning (George and Fred), knowing if I didn’t they’d play me up and I’d have no end of trouble. Counting as much shot coin brought back from sites as I did, it was best for people to think I was a little ‘mad’!!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Ha ha! Sounds like my kind of social life! None of that messy drama… well, unless the dish runs away with the spoon…

    Liked by 2 people

  17. I wonder what will happen to Geoff once he’s boiled his last? A quiet garden burial, or a grand funeral – and will there be guests? A story to bring a smile to even the most sullen.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. nelle says:

    Clever and amusing… sing us a song, you’re the kettle man… whistle a song tonight. (With apologies to Billy Joel.)

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Or you could get a dog. But really–I actually like that approach. Anthropomorphize everything! Soon, we’ll all have little helper robots we can name.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Scarlet says:

    I could send you a letter…. or should I send a letter to Geoff?!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. ASH says:

    This is so original (if that is grammatically sanctioned)!

    A humorous and unveiling soliloquy!

    Huzzah yet again


  22. joey says:

    Oh my goodness, I just love this, Peter! Especially the part about long talks with understanding friends in the closet. That sorta reminded me of being a teenager and literally doing that, phone cord strung through the hall…
    My kettle is called Evelyn .I name a lot of things, but not yet the friends in my closet!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. heightndcom says:

    Haha, I love this. We are truly never alone!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. You make me smile 🙂
    Fabulous stuff. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I laughed… after a long while of not having even smiled. Thank you Peter for this wonderful piece.


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