A Fly In The Appointment

Simon Warmsley- Maddock, ( his mother had added the ‘Warmsley’ in a fit of vanity), when a boy of six, was a smooth cheeked young lad whose complexion was eased towards his parent’s idea of perfection by a diet of chocolate,  doughnuts and a light sprinkling of multi- vitamin tablets.. He had little to offer the world except unbreakable self confidence and thus, over a  career spanning thirty years,  morphed into Major-General Sir Simon Warmsley- Maddock, Chief of Staff at the army’s Department of Hygiene and  Deportment .

This crucial role, which developed in importance with the growth of television and multimedia, led him to engage in periods of public speaking when the mysteries of his role could be revealed before a sleeping audience. In a hall outside Exeter in the County of Devon, where at least twenty people had gathered  to hear his address, Major General Warmsley- Maddock , in a languid imitation of  discrete ability, rose to engage the silent crowd.

The para-normal seldom makes itself known to us, but a well-trained and vigorous fruit fly, who had been a classmate of Simon’s in a previous life was in the room plotting his revenge. An unforgiven  scone-theft made by the glorious general when the fly was still  in our dimension was the cause of the vendetta.  The flies early death and transformation to another species had been unfortunate, but the bitterness of some crimes lives beyond a single lifespan, and so it was for that boy, now buzzing before the fearless General.

As the speech began, the well-trained fly landed on his nose and tickled him gloriously. Warmsley- Maddock moved to wave him off, but the  smart fly remembered the General’s strategems and ducked neatly to the left before fluttering its wings over Simon’s eyebrows. The physical dialogue continued with growing energy, until the audience realised they were in danger of being entertained: video’s were made.

“Get off me you stupid bugger” screamed the General to the delight of various You Tube enthusiasts until, at last, the fly retired for a rest. The General, now not completely smart, searched for his notes which had fallen under the reading stand. Dignity forgotten, he crawled on his knees to retrieve them, thus revealing a pair of the  pink panties which gave him  comfort on formal occasions. 

Within days, he was a star on many computer screens, and was shifted to a new department, with less damaging public repercussions,  as Head of National Security: a role where competence was less required.

About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, Fiction, humour, Peter Wells and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to A Fly In The Appointment

  1. catterel says:

    Brilliant – again!


  2. beth says:

    wow, his title, and the twists and turns this one takes, and your last sentence – ha!


  3. Michael Graeme says:

    Good one, and possibly closer to truth than we think.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Robin says:

    Another great one Peter!!


  5. good stuff Peter………… and that bit about National Security? Hmmmmmmmm


  6. Al says:

    Certainly not the fifteen minutes of fame most of us are looking for.


  7. Hilarious, Peter – and I admire how your writing can move from.the profound to the downright humourous. Wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I shall be writing to the Dept. of National Security for the immediate return of my pink underwear.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. wdfyfe says:

    Boy, am I glad they didn’t have cell phones in my previous life. cheers


  10. syreal17 says:

    I’ve generated many fly nemeses in my life


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