When I opened the door there was Jennifer, my lifetime’s love and all she said was “I made such a mistake back then,” and looking at her, all I saw was the love of my life, worshipped in eternity who I met at university and who passed me by as being too unworldly for her tastes.
In her eyes I saw the magic which always held me : the blend of arrogance and fear which draws men to their undoing. I have been married to a woman who has tolerated my failings, as I have hers, for many years, and together we are blessed. but she was never the object of my dreams
“Who is that” shouted out my loyal one, and I lied “Just some salesman” as I indicated to my lover with my hands that I would be with her in five minutes.
Sure enough, shortly afterwards I shouted out I was off for my coffee which I enjoy every Saturday: for the first time in thirty-five years, my heart was filled with turmoil and deceit.
There she was at the end of the road, arms outstretched and waiting for my embrace: seeking for that reservoir of understanding I offered her so freely in my student years. Yes I did return that embrace: I could not help myself, and immediately she sought my hand with hers as we walked off to the park but I am not unknown in this area and reticence saved me.
My wife is not my dream but she is my friend, my dearest friend: my most precious friend and in the eyes of this woman, who I sought to make my own in those days when the world was mine to conquer, I saw nothing but hunger and chaos. Stepping back I said, “I will always love you Jennifer but we made our choices and I was not yours” before turning on my heels and returning home.
As I opened the door my wife was standing at the foot of the stairs saying, “That was a quick one” but her eyes asked more questions than her words. Betrayal, I realised, need only last a moment to cast it’s shadow for eternity.
countingducks 
Wisdom sometimes comes too late.
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I’m still waiting !!
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wow, bam! he answered the siren song and pulled away, but too late to not have inflicted a bit of permanent damage
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Common sense can sometimes move you in the right direction but not always at the right time !!
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life’s all in the timing, isn’t it?
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Ack. I don’t think there was betrayal at all. He told his old flame where to get off, job done.
Sx
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He did, but perhaps he was a scrupulous fellow and felt he should have told his wife who he was going to meet before he left the house rather than not admitting to her existence in any way: Just a theory xx
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He could tell her now, and they could laugh about it. It’ll be fine 🙂
Sx
P.S Remember that I have toothache, and probably will have for the foreseeable future, therefore I am a little more deranged than usual.
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I’m very much looking forward to hearing that your toothache has gone. In the meanwhile you can be as deranged as you like: it’s nice to have your company in that place 🙂
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Agree with your statement: “Betrayal, I realised, need only last a moment to cast [its] shadow for eternity.” We all like to laugh that it all worked out for the best, but I agree with you he did betray his wife, if only for a moment and only in his heart.
Our church’s pastor had a very similar moment in real life, and he was humble and courageous enough to tell us from the pulpit. We love and respect him for that.
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And the lesson is…never go back. Impossible to recapture old feelings and , as you say, the past can cast an ugly shadow.
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Trust perceived as broken is very tough to overcome.
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Perhaps I am the only Imperfectionist who appreciates grace?
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One can only imagine how often this happens in real life.
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Hi Mr. Countingducks! I just came across this book on internet. Think you might be interested in it – a historical fiction about John Ruskin. 🙂
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That’s very interesting. Thank you. I shall certainly have a look at it. Hope all is good with you
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Realised at the right moment👏🏼
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Certainly better slightly late than never. Thank you for the comment 😊
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Well done! Wisdom prevailed!
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It does. Thank you for the nice comment 🙂
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