A Lockdown Social Life

 I could do with a larger social life. I could do with any social life at the moment, but now I have come up with a solution which has ultimately left me with little peace: let me explain.

Each morning I start the day by making myself tea, pour water in the kettle and assemble cup and tea bag before retrieving the milk from the fridge in readiness for that moment when the kettle starts singing and arms whirr into action to create the perfect morning cuppa, drunk while sitting in my favourite (only) chair.

Suddenly, well not suddenly, an idea seeped into that winelogged area called my brain and I decided to give everything a name and thereby a personality. With this in mind, we will return to our tea making exercise and see what a difference a day makes when you are in company.

I walk into the kitchen and shout out “Morning Geoff,” (the kettle)  “I’ll just put a splosh of water in you and then you can sing me your favourite tune when it’s ready!” Geoff doesn’t say anything at first but we all know he can really let rip when the mood takes him, or if he gets a bit hot around the elements.

That settled, I go to the cupboard (Sid) and take out Karl, my favourite mug which (who) has a picture of a duck on it (him) because everyone in my house loves ducks naturally. “Don’t worry mate,” I say, “I’ll put the milk in first so you don’t get scalded” and Karl makes a sort of clacking noise when he lands on the kitchen table to say thank you: he likes a bit of noise does Karl.  Anyway, once Marion Milk has done her bit and returned to the fridge, ( she’s an attractive girl but rather frigid once she gets in my house sad to say ) I take Karl, now filled with precious liquid, and go and settle in Frieda, my favourite chair to talk about life and the coming day.

Credit where credits due, all my chums are tolerant and allow me to say anything you like without interrupting me if you ignore Geoff’s piercing singing voice and Karl’s insistent clacking, but then lads can be restless can’t they?

Now for the big stuff! Araminta Shirt, one of my favourites, has volunteered to clothe me today because she knows it’s a teaching day and smartness is required even though I currently teach online! Other items of clothing, all with different names and outlooks join her in the task of clothing me, varied in many ways but with a shared loyalty to meeee. 

I think I overheard them saying once that clothing me was a chore and not a privilege, and how they loved to be left in the closet where they could gossip with friends and relax in soothing darkness but I’m sure they still enjoy the odd adventure out on the trail: I like to think so anyway! I could be offended by their reluctance but, let’s be honest, we all love a snooze don’t we!

At a safe hour I venture into town, now in good company and immune to the pain of being unknown or ignored by the public at large. Just to let you know, I’ve become pretty close to the post box at the end of the street who asks me constantly if I’ve had a letter yet which is not a bill. “One day Frank, one day” I say because optimism in the face of facts is my “modus operandi” a term they used in the online-college  where I work.

 It seems almost impossible to get a moment to yourself these days!!



About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, creative writing, Fiction, humour, Peter Wells, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to A Lockdown Social Life

  1. beth says:

    all that clatter and chatter, having them around, life is never dull ! well done, Peter


  2. Al says:

    My keyboard, Alfie, short for Alphabet, salutes you and your friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I used to talk to my coin sorters every day. If I didn’t, George would sulk and jam every other run. Fred on the other hand was newer and coped with the pound coins marvellously when they first came into circulation. I would happily greet them as soon as I walked through the door with my morning coffee and switch on.
    Now I talk to birds, bees, anything that moves or works actually.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Margy says:

    Desperate times, desperate measures…
    We always name our cars. Currently we have Pete and Wanda…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Scarlet says:

    I could drop something in the post for you – it would give Frank something to gossip about!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. tiostib says:

    I have similar friends. Unfortunately, their intramural gossip is going long into the night and sleep is harder and harder to come by. They’ve suggested I go for a walk and leave them to their druthers.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Graham says:

    Credit to you Peter, your words and emotion are again first class and to think all inspired by your morning lockdown “cuppa” – Those friends in that kitchen of yours are very lucky to have you


  8. nelle says:

    Well done! A very amusing piece.


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