A Breakfast Conundrum


I am at that age when it is possible to look straight past a lady to the vision of culinary excellence before her: in this case a breakfast of two sausages, a poached egg and a modestly displayed collection of baked beans escorted towards taste heaven by two slices of toasted brown bread: all good and marvellous, I am sure you will agree, and accompanied by a small bowl filled with brown sauce.

Like a man bewitched I saw her assemble her first forkload of food, about a fifth of a sausage, dunked in the egg yoke and then placed under a soothing blanket of beans before being carefully inserted into her waiting mouth.

By the third mouthful I was overwhelmed by curiosity and emotion and could not stop myself walking up to her table and saying, “I’m sorry to bother you but don’t you find a small element of the brown sauce extends the flavours available in the breakfast and adds a touch of music to the experience.”

She looked at me with some alarm and then said, “I find if the mouthful is assembled with the correct ratios then the range of flavours can be quite wonderful on their own without the muddling addition of the brown sauce.” Now I was transfixed because here was another being who used the word “ratios” in relation to food: one of my favourite concepts. My paper on “The time to taste ratio” in evaluating a cooked meal” was submitted to the Royal College of Physics some years ago although I am still awaiting their reply.

To add to the excitement, she then waved to the chair opposite suggesting I might take my considerable weight off my legs for the duration of the conversation. “I’ve never heard anyone else use the word ‘ratio’ in relation to food before” I said, “Apart from myself” and it was obvious my gaze was lurching towards the personal. “It’s a fundamental concept in the science of food evaluation, “ she said, adding “Are you married!?” On a number of occasions but not currently “ I replied. “And yourself?” I asked, “Currently but not permanently” she replied.

I smiled then at a lady with whom a deep kinship might be possible. “Romance is better approached as a Tapas bar rather than a single main course” I suggested and she replied, “It’s all about the conversations between the flavours and we nodded as only those who have discovered a similar approach to the menu of life can do.

Thus it was that I, Wilber Artichoke, met a good lady who might join me in researching the science behind the perfect forkful and who knows what might happen once we begin discussing that immoral landscape so often inhabited by desserts!

About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in creative writing, Fiction, humour, Peter Wells, Romance, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to A Breakfast Conundrum

  1. Brilliant! 😀✌️ Sounds like something Captain Raymond Holt from Brooklyn 99 might say..

    Like

  2. catterel says:

    Love your verbiage!

    Like

  3. beth says:

    this is so funny and joyful

    Liked by 1 person

  4. beth says:

    99% joyful by the way

    Like

  5. Al says:

    Ah, love and repast, my two favorite subjects. How beautifully you commingled them.

    Like

  6. You have taste – and in shovel-loads.

    Like

  7. tidalscribe says:

    I shall see Traditional English breakfast in a new light from now on.

    Like

  8. Always important to have a shared interest, I feel! A witty observational study, Peter.

    Like

  9. Scarlet says:

    I take it that they are now going to sample the simple pleasure of a shared sausage roll?
    Sx

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  10. nelle says:

    Good story, and… I suddenly find myself famished.

    Like

  11. araneus1 says:

    Just when I think it isn’t possible for Peter to soar any higher ….. absolute gold!

    Like

  12. Robin says:

    Oh…this is so good Peter! Loved every single word! xx

    Like

  13. What a fun story. I’m of an age where I lose interest in food having spent a lifetime trying to figure out how to approach it rationally, and failing.

    Like

  14. Jack Eason says:

    Reblogged this on Have We Had Help? and commented:
    More from Peter…

    Like

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