Refining My Courting Skills


 

Things went slightly wrong at the wake for Geoff Weasley, and there are rumours I may have had something to do with it. His wife, or should we now be saying widow, Catherine, is a more than attractive women with a sympathetic and normally sunny outlook on life although, following her husband’s death in a car accident she’s seems a little out of sorts.

Well, putting my cards on the table, I am happy to state that I’ve got quite a “thing” for Catherine, always have had, and it affected me to see her “Off her game” if you follow me so I decided to pitch in and see if I could do something to raise her morale by offering her a future with promise in it. I walked up to her and said, “How many days have you scheduled in for the mourning process.”

To be fair, she looked a bit startled and said in her turn, “What’s it to you?” and I said, “I am going to propose to you as soon as the mourning period is over, and I was just wondering how long that would be.” People can be a little unpredictable but taking that into account I was still surprised when she burst into tears and then her brother, who was standing by her side when I started the conversation, went a bit red in the face and said, “You stupid B^&*^&d” and grabbed my arm in a manner bordering on aggressive.

Of course, with Catherine crying, people came over and someone asked, “What’s upset her” and my possible future brother-in-law said, “This stupid P%^$k just asked my sister to marry him” which in turn was heard by most of the room on account of the fact that he saw the need to shout rather than speak, which I thought was unnecessary.

Catherine seemed even more upset by his remark and her behaviour was becoming hysterical which made everyone in the room gather round us.

I’m one of those pedantic sorts who likes to keep his facts polished and in the right order so, in order to clarify the matter, I said, “I did not propose to her. I merely asked how long she would be in mourning so I could schedule in my marriage proposal at the correct time.”

Frank, who runs the pub where the event was held, came over and his face had also gone red. “That’s it. You’re banned.” He said, “I don’t want to see you in here again” which I thought a bit extreme unless, of course, he also has a bit of a thing for Catherine and didn’t like to see a rival coming up on the fence within yards of the finishing line so to speak.

Just to emphasise that I was the front-runner, I told him, “We’d be quite likely to hold our reception here as long as you manage to mind your P’s and Q’s” which I thought pretty conciliatory in the circumstances, because we all like a bit of extra business, but suddenly there was a lot of jostling and I found myself outside the pub door, which was firmly shut in my face leaving me unable to continue the conversation.

Perhaps I’ll have to start going to church again now, because I know she is a regular attendee and the vicar is already married which cuts back the serious opposition, although there is a time and place for everything and I’m not sure proposing to her in church would be the right thing. What do you think?

About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in creative writing, Fiction, humour, Peter Wells, Romance, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Refining My Courting Skills

  1. catterel says:

    I think I’ve met this character ….

    Like

  2. These days he would be labelled as being on the autism spectrum and everyone else would be expected to make allowances! In one way you have to admire his drive and determination. One wonders if her will will bend!

    Like

  3. ksbeth says:

    weasley speaks his mind. problem is he speaks it outside of his head instead of keeping it in.

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  4. Tact, and timing sir.
    A bit like my first father in law saying he’d marry again………… as he sat on the bed occupied by his dying wife. Tact was not his forte, and he announced his engagement three months after she died. The family were not impressed.
    Weasley should have kept quiet.

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  5. Margy says:

    This has left me wondering how I would respond if I was in Catherine’s place…

    Like

  6. Al says:

    Well now, she didn’t exactly say “no”, did she?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Peter,
    I think your next adventure should be to write a “Screen Play!” xx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. nelle says:

    roflmao… I loved this… already imagining the video version.

    Like

  9. lbeth1950 says:

    What a bunch of uncouth friends. You are too good for Catherine. Besides, she’s a crybaby.

    Like

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