You know the girl: a wonder for a weekend, nightmare in a week. “I was her rock, centre and ballast” was what she called me, within the first hour of meeting, lying in her bedroom, surrounded by a party, shortly after sex. Talk about the jackpot, had I won it? You bet your life I had because she was so beautiful, strong and yet fragile: something out of films, or maybe an explorer, but certainly something special: unique you know.
And then she started shouting; screaming because I dropped the kettle. Life as we know it was over and it was all my fault. And then she said “Sorry, I cannot help myself sometimes” and I was young, and thought I could fix things, so of course I put my arms around her and said, “I’ll love you always” which is not good because I’m slightly north of crazy myself: well “out there,” if you want to know, and being someone’s “rock” sounded pretty scary.
And then there were the tablets I took so we could share together and she would not be lonely, tripping over boundaries, living in a kaleidoscope: discovering “Real” together. Turns out to be a kind of hell, “Real” I mean: didn’t say that in the brochure! Wish someone else had told me, but we knew too much by then. Knew everything in truth, except the need to listen.
I was in my twenties, on the road to nowhere, leads us beyond comfort, or normal or average conversations, and now I swear by nothing, because the face I see in the mirror is me turned into Stranger. And you might help me if you’ve got a minute. Tell me where I lost myself. Could you do that?
Am I making sense this time, it’s just the way it sounds right, but we see what we wish to see, and then it all goes pear shape. The truth is all I know for now, but I’ll forget that in a minute.
I never have conversations like I did in my twenties, and I’m not even sure if that’s a good or bad thing.
Loved this, Mr Ducks!
Sx
LikeLike
‘and then it all goes pear shape’ – kind of sums up many relationships – excellent piece
LikeLike
The “you” lost himself somewhere in too much unrealistic expectations perhaps? Or just in the reality which can be too much. I think it always is a miracle if people survive their twenties by the way.
LikeLike
Your final paragraph sums everything up really: we believe what we want and our truth exists only in the moment. Very reflective.
LikeLike
“Being someone’s rock sounds pretty scary.” How many of us have said that to ourselves at one time or another?! Good entry, Peter. Just be careful around kettles.
LikeLike
You always manage to capture “a still point in a changing world” – it’s like having a photo of an instant. Well done! (Am I making sense this time?!)
LikeLike
oh so much meaning here…”And then there were the tablets I took so we could share together and she would not be lonely, tripping over boundaries, living in a kaleidoscope: discovering “Real” together.” Great short piece Peter!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You really have a knack for exploring the human condition in romance. I always enjoy your pieces.
LikeLike
You captured it perfectly. I suppose we all knew someone who walked that unfortunate road.
LikeLike
Help me if you’ve got a minute – tell me how this Me is a stranger.
Could you do that? But no… if you had, I would still think otherwise.
LikeLike