I’ve never heard anyone say “When I was young all I wanted to be was a liar” because that would be mad wouldn’t it? I mean, I ask you, what could be more stupid? Why would you wish to be such a thing, but possibly you know the answers don’t you: not sure I do!
My obsession was called Annabelle, and she had a warmth and smile about her which could chase the winter out of any room, and just to bath in her energy for a few minutes, an evening perhaps, or maybe just a lifetime seemed the doorway to “Paradise.”
I’m not one for public disclosures so the fact I was married was not fully known to those I worked with, including Annabelle, who caught my eye as I did hers.
I am an engineer by trade and travelling away from home is part of my routine, so there was no there need to tell anyone about my wife Krystal or my daughter Caroline. I love my wife and had never betrayed her but we all have that space, don’t we, which is unnourished: that suitcase of dreams which remains unpacked in our current circumstance, and suddenly, in her presence, I was granted that smile which allowed me to express a new and beautiful way of being me: that was my belief.
It was only after I slept with her for the second night we were together, lying in bed and drinking tea that I spoke about my marriage. “Get out of my room” she said, which left me no time to explain myself.
For the rest of the week I avoided her as much as possible, riven by waves of panic and a growing sense of what I had risked by this reckless conduct and glad to be escaping, hopefully never to return.
“All’s well that ends well” they say, which is not what happened in my case. Annabelle traced my wife through social media and took it upon herself to pass on all the details of my deceit. As I opened the door my dear wife said, “Do not unpack.”
Truth often becomes apparent only in retrospect and I had disregarded the simple fact that I loved my wife and everything else was mere distraction. As I seek to forgive myself I hope that my wife might do the same!