A Timely Proposal


Things went slightly wrong at the wake for Geoff Weasley, and there are rumours I may have had something to do with it. His wife, or should we now be saying widow, Catherine, is a more than attractive women with a sympathetic and normally sunny outlook on life although, following her husband’s death in a car accident she’s seems a little out of sorts.

Well, putting my cards on the table, I am happy to state that I’ve got quite a “thing” for Catherine, always have had, and it affected me to see her “Off her game” if you follow me so I decided to pitch in and see if I could do something to raise her morale by offering her a future with promise in it. I walked up to her and said, “How many days have you scheduled in for the mourning process.”

To be fair, she looked a bit startled and said in her turn, “What’s it to you?” and I said, “I am going to propose to you as soon as the mourning period is over, and I was just wondering how long that would be.” People can be a little unpredictable but taking that into account I was still surprised when she burst into tears and then her brother, who was standing by her side when I started the conversation, went a bit red in the face and said, “You stupid B^&*^&d” and grabbed my arm in a manner bordering on aggressive.

Of course, with Catherine crying, people came over and someone asked, “What’s upset her” and my possible future brother-in-law said, “This stupid P%^$k just asked my sister to marry him” which in turn was heard by most of the room on account of the fact that he saw the need to shout rather than speak, which I thought was unnecessary.
Catherine seemed even more upset by his remark and her behaviour was becoming hysterical which made everyone in the room gather round us.

I’m one of those pedantic sorts who likes to keep his facts polished and in the right order so, in order to clarify the matter, I said, “I did not propose to her. I merely asked how long she would be in mourning so I could schedule in my marriage proposal at the correct time.”

Frank, who runs the pub where the event was held, came over and his face had also gone red. “That’s it. You’re banned.” He said, “I don’t want to see you in here again” which I thought a bit extreme unless, of course, he also has a bit of a thing for Catherine and didn’t like to see a rival coming up on the fence within yards of the finishing line so to speak.

Just to emphasise that I was the front-runner, I told him, “We’d be quite likely to hold our reception here as long as you manage to mind your P’s and Q’s” which I thought pretty conciliatory in the circumstances, because we all like a bit of extra business, but suddenly there was a lot of jostling and I found myself outside the pub door, which was firmly shut in my face leaving me unable to continue the conversation.

Perhaps I’ll have to start going to church again now, because I know she is a regular attendee and the vicar is already married which cuts back the serious opposition, although there is a time and place for everything and I’m not sure proposing to her in church would be the right thing. What do you think?

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About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, courting, creative writing, Fiction, humour, Peter Wells, Romance and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to A Timely Proposal

  1. renxkyoko says:

    I laughed, but I’m not sure if this was supposed to be funny. It’s funny, Peter wells.

    Like

  2. Al says:

    I think you’re a laugh riot.

    Like

  3. cwviderkull says:

    Wonderful dark humor. Made me smile.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderfully wicked – and I love the fact that your lead is totally oblivious to the social faux-pas that he makes. Hilarious and yet strangely touching!

    Like

  5. Funny and sad. Sad because there are far too many people in the world like your hero who have absolutely no insight into how their behaviour will be perceived. In other words, there are a lot of stupid people out there!

    Like

  6. Aneens says:

    Humor at its best !! A wonderful post that is light and simple yet so beautiful. And I think you have start frequenting the church now 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  7. At this point you have nothing to lose. Some people can be so touchy, huh?

    Like

  8. This is why professional matchmakers are in business: This poor guy just doesn’t get it.

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  9. I think I might have met this guy years ago. Found him face down in a moldy alleyway on a cold rainy Tuesday night in December. And nothing ever happened on a Tuesday night.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Well, let’s see. Perhaps they can become penpals after her brother gets him arrested for stalking. 🙂

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  11. ksbeth says:

    i think that i absolutely love your dark, sharp, wit and writing style.

    Like

  12. michelevenne says:

    Peter, your stories make me wonder, is this really how men think? I shake my head at the societal faux pas. Certainly makes me think 🙂

    Like

  13. laroseedespetiteschoses says:

    Even though I am a widow only recently, I had to laugh Peter.

    Like

  14. joey says:

    Funny stuff 🙂
    I wonder how often this sort of thing happens?

    Like

  15. ShimonZ says:

    an amusing story

    Like

  16. thorsaurus says:

    Dammit, late for work again, but totally worth it! 🙂

    Like

  17. Dawne Webber says:

    Brilliant, as usual. Actually, very brilliant. Thanks.

    Like

  18. gotham girl says:

    I read this 30 minutes ago and I’m still laughing hysterically! This is the BEST!!!!

    Like

  19. eliz frank says:

    This is as hysterical as it is heartbreaking! Of corse, the timing stinks but the emotions are real. I’d stay away from the church for a while and give Catherine space to heal… the exchanges were brilliant! 🙂

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  20. I think above all you should retain your admirable ability to focus. Additionally, try sending flowers on a weekly basis, beginning with lilies and making your way around to roses. Then I’d watch her for abandonment of mourning clothes and when you feel the time is right, ask the vicar to read out the bans. After all, does she have to know?

    Like

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