Celebrate or Criticise May We Ask ?

“Beauty,” as the wife observed “Lies just beyond the next alteration to her wardrobe or figure” and, as she might have added wisely, but didn’t, is often a subjective measurement based on a thousand variables unless you happen to be Plato, of course, who was quite a clever chap and thought of it as some concept based on the idea of “The absolute,” which, strange to say, is possibly what drives my good lady  forward in her search for the perfect outfit.

Her search for the perfect husband stopped with me some years ago, and that jaundiced look around her eyes suggests that she still blames herself for ordering from the menu of life without fully weighing up the choices. I suppose it’s fair to say she is not alone with that feeling.

Anyway, I am straying from my point, if I can remember what it is.  I know it centres on memories of my old friend Charlie who did the “Mystic Shuffle” last month and who enjoyed the send-off a man of his character and social standing deserved I’m afraid. No one turned up for the service apart from myself and some guy who was seeking shelter from the rain. My good lady refused to attend, citing a backlog of ironing, but I suspect she did not wish to be seen in the company of morally worthless individuals, including her husband, whether in or outside the box. ( No thinking required inside the box apparently, but that’s another topic: I must not get distracted. )

Thinking outside the box is my forte, My “Specialité de Maison,” which actually means I often lose the thread of my conversations, wardrobe or anything else which is not firmly attached to my person. Still, where was I. Oh yes.

Charlie, God bless him, because who else would, was a man of colourful character whose egalitarian approach to life was born out by the fact that he managed to offend the vast majority of people he met without regard to race, sex, age, height or fashion sense. However, he had two friends, myself and Sid, (Who missed the funeral because he forgot to use the stairs when going down to the cellar recently, and broke his leg. )  We used to hang around him like those small fish who sit on the backs of sharks enjoying the odd morsel which escapes their host’s attention.

In our cases it was Charlie’s social fauz pas which added spice to our day, and I will miss the drive and sense of purpose he brought to achieving social ruin before his demise. The lack of attendance at his funeral suggests he got as near as anyone does in achieving their life’s goals. Indeed, there was a certain edge to the vicar’s brief eulogy, possibly resulting from that time when our Charlie got a bit “fresh” with the vicar’s wife at some fund raising gig to do with the church roof. On that note, I must say, the church remained dry throughout the service which just goes to show that not all these fund raising efforts are pointless, however poor the catering, but that’s another story.


About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
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16 Responses to Celebrate or Criticise May We Ask ?

  1. mikesteeden says:

    To say a ‘gem’ is inadequate I know yet having nailed this one I think tales of Charlie might just be a runner! Had a mate not unlike Charlie…he’s still alive I understand yet ended up insulting me so I’m guessing not a soul will turn up for his funeral…second thoughts maybe I will if I outlive him for old times sake!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love it…..and the ‘Mystic Shuffle’ will now become part of my own box of tricks – attributed to you of course:) Janet.


  3. catterel says:

    I do hope you aren’t casting your pearls before swine, Ducks! I second the request for some “Tales of Charlie”.


  4. And the muse whispers, yet again, as she delights in the morning mists.


  5. When thinking about ‘The End’ one does wonder whether the nature of the journey bears any relevance whatsoever. In the end we are but dust, and Charlie, for one, at least travelled the course without having to concern himself with any social airs and graces. Unwise? Perhaps. Unburdened? Certainly.
    A wittily written piece, which does pose this sort of question.


  6. This is fabulous Peter. I could have read on and on and on… 😊


  7. Oh how we love the misanthropes!


  8. This was such a good read. I definitely missed your writings will rebranding : )


  9. ****I suspect she did not wish to be seen in the company of morally worthless individuals, including her husband****

    superb sentence, Peter. xx


  10. ksbeth says:

    this is hilarious, peter!


  11. Al says:

    So many of these exquisite stories unfold as if you’re writing about me, yet you’ve never met me. How is that possible?


  12. Scarlet says:

    Damn… forgotten what I was going to say 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Leni Qinan says:

    Rest in peace, Charlie. A toast to all those who are politically incorrect!
    PS.- Always fully weighing up the choices from the menu of life, reluctant to order. 😉


  14. nelle says:

    Poor Charlie. Perhaps he shall meet up with his famous brethren across the pond, Charlie of the MTA (yup, that will lead to a song.) 😉


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