As Luck Would Have It

“What’s not to love” thought Reggie Spangler, walking through his living room. “More blue sky than you could drink in a lifetime, lovely warm weather and the wife away for a fortnight’s holiday with her charming sister,”

His heart swelled in a feeling of celebration, but to be fair to our joyous hero’s heart found some reason to swell on most mornings and so, as usual, he threw open the doors to the garden and stepped out onto his freshly clipped grass singing, as he always did, “I’m so lucky, lucky luckiiii,. I’M SO LUCKYYYYY NOWA”

As he sucked his breath in to begin the second line a single shot rang out and Reggie fell without further comment to the ground. He was dead: no longer with us, Doing the mystic shuffle, or however you want to phrase it, but the cause of death was not in doubt. Across the fence stood Dan Growler, his next door neighbour, with a gun in one hand and a mobile phone to his ear. When his call was answered he said, “I’ve shot a man and I’m glad to say he is dead” and then he gave his address.

After a short delay, involving the not to be rushed consumption of bacon sandwiches and coffee, a couple of police constables turned up to find Dan at his front gate and the gun tactfully lying on the wall away from him and with the barrel facing towards the house.

Needless to say he was arrested, tried, sentenced and found himself inside Parkhurst jail facing a sentence of fifteen years. Grumpy his entire life, he was glad to be in a community rich in complainers and those who declared themselves innocent on a daily basis ,regardless of the evidence. He discovered himself to be among kindred spirits and when they asked why he was inside, he told them.

“Every morning. Every bloody morning, my neighbour would stride out into his garden singing “I’m so lucky” and it just drove me mad. I mean every bloody morning, “I’m so lucky blah blah blah” until one day I just stood up, got my gun out and shot the little bugger right between the eyes.”

For the first time in about thirty eight years he smiled. “Oh the silence was bloody heaven. I mean you could almost drink it, and now that little toad will never chant again.”  Heads around him nodded. “Know what you mean Dan.” said the man beside him before turning to the other inmates at the breakfast table saying, ” Do you remember what it was like when old Nobby Savage fell down, dead as a Dodo?” and again, heads around the table nodded in agreement.

“It doesn’t get any better does it?” He turned back to Dan and filled him  on the dead wardens failings in luscious detail, to even more nodding and agreement from this brotherhood of inmates. Dan looked around at him at this sea of faces, revelling in life’s lucky breaks, and almost without warning, a feeling of oneness and joy filled him. At last he was with a bunch of geezers who spoke his language, were on his wave-length and understood the meaning of life, and he had fifteen bloody marvellous years to enjoy their company.

Before he could stop himself, his mouth opened and he found he was beginning to sing that song lodged deep in his subconscious. For the first time in his life he gained a glimpse inside the head of his recently departed neighbour.   “I’m  so lucky, lucky”  he began, and then managed to clamp his jaw shut. “Bloody hell,” he thought.  He felt brilliant. If  Reggie was there, what would he do ? “Life eh. Mysterious or what !”


About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, community, creative writing, humour, Peter Wells, values, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to As Luck Would Have It

  1. catterel says:

    Oh, I laughed out loud at this one! Great piece of irony.


  2. I’m pleased to hear that he found his niche! Not sure whether to smile or not…then again, what the heck!


  3. gotham girl says:

    Oh gosh…loved this one big time!!


  4. So glad he found his place in life! Everyone got what they deserved!


  5. What a great twist. As usual, there’s so much truth–and humor–in your stories.


  6. I have “Hey Jude” stuck in my head thanks to a post Elyse did yesterday. It’s not a bad earworm as earworms go. Even had a dream about Paul McCartney for the first time in my life! So odd that you would post about a song being stuck in ones head… 😉


  7. Al says:

    Fifteen years will go by in a flash. An annoying neighbor is forever. Dan’s the man!


  8. ksbeth says:

    i LOVED this twist. reminds me of a ray bradbury or roald dahl short story –


  9. Janni Styles says:

    Love the way you take a simple situation and write it out so magically. Sign me: Ever under your spell. 🙂


  10. Highly entertaining! Reminds me of a friend from university who used to walk out on his balcony every morning in only his undergarments and yell “Good morning, Saskatoon!” I’m surprised he didn’t meet the same fate as Reggie.


  11. cotswoldsgirl says:

    This made me laugh so much! 😆


  12. renxkyoko says:

    Whoa. This is different !


  13. Haha! A bit shivery too though 😊


  14. suzzeta says:

    full of surprises… great piece of writing, really!


  15. nelle says:

    I suspect someone shanked him before too long. 😉

    When you wrote of a shooting, I’m thinking ‘has to be in the US, because we’re idiots.’.


  16. yerrik says:

    Very nice. Like it.


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