My introduction to the market I have made my own, possibly owing to a lack of other surviving candidates, is as a dentist to the Vampire Profession. As with many things, my opening came by chance. I was taking a late night, and possibly unwise solitary stroll through London’s Hyde Park when I was accosted by a man I later came to know as Baron Root- Canal, (Off the record these double barrelled names seem to cut some mustard with gentleman of obscure dietary habits ).
Apparently, advancing years had affected his digestion so the thicker blood offered by young maidens of a reckless disposition was too strong for his digestive system. His doctor advised him to seek the thinner blood transported round some of London’s better watering holes by gentleman of the worn out variety. ‘Worn-Out’ might be my surname if I was a Vampire, because I’m somewhere past my best. Anyway, I’m rambling which is a failing among those experiencing obsolescence. He advanced on me, with his walking stick held in a menacing manner, and his eyes glowing with that rather flashy green colour sported by our night time folk, and then opened his jaw to begin the meal.
“I don’t wish to spoil the fun” I said, “But I can’t help noticing that your gums are receding and there is quite a lot of plaque on your upper right fang. He stopped in his tracks and said. “I’ve been experiencing some discomfort there, do you know about these things”, and I did. I was a dentist with a small and dwindling practise affected by my limited technique and lack of enthusiasm, but the Baron wasn’t to know that.
“Where do you live” I asked him and he referred to a little visited and somewhat dilapidated grave yard south of the river. ” No castle then, no priceless works of art and butler’s whose lack of tan is obvious to the most casual visitor.” I continued, He glowered briefly, and I realised that mocking vampires was not the way to proceed. Caution of manner, I soon learnt, was essential if working with them was not to become a draining experience.
Being kindly by nature, I directed him to an old people’s home, were thinner blood was almost a required characteristic among the inmates, but with the warning, “I happen to know Thursday night is curry night so your meal might be a little spicy and with that hint of fresh coriander admired by the cognoscenti. Does that trouble you?” I asked . “Not at all” he said smiling now, and clearly in better spirits. He understood his dental problems were soon to be something in his past, “A little exotica in the flavour department is a welcome respite from the norm.”
I was glad to be of service, and vanished back into the lighted streets after giving him my business card. “Opening hours” I lied but with the intention to change them, ” Are between 11.30 pm and 4.30 am. He thanked me and we parted company. He turned out to be the first of many clients and also my introduction to currencies of obscure and antiquated origin. Apparently these vampire chappies don’t do modern. All music played was of the classic variety.