A New Bard Strides Forth


William Stir-Arrow was, and possibly might have remained, a playwright whose abilities would remain concealed from the general public where it not for a peculiar conversation held at some publishing house.His family legend had it that they were intimately connected, in some way, with a famous Elizabethan playwright, and who are we to argue with them. It might have been a blood connection, or one of acquaintanceship, or that they both loved the same kind of jam, but that connection had inspired member after member of this family, for generation after generation, to move their quill, pen and then cursor across the page in search of that telling phrase which would finally earn them immortality, and possibly elbow that Elizabethan upstart off the pitch of life and into the obscurity some felt was merited by his language.

Thus it was that our William had penned his new play “Measure For The Tempest” with a hero by the name of Duke Smirk who struggled with the upbringing of his daughters. To date he had sent it to one hundred and fifty publishing houses and , unknown to him, been the inspiration of more comment than any other manuscript. “Is this pure gibberish or just unadulterated garbage,” asked an editor of his new assistant as he held up a sample of dialogue for his inspection.

“Forsooth Yo chum, into the very bed of rock the teapot rung”. “What does that mean?” asked the puzzled Editor, and his new assistant, eager to impress, searched for a meaning not involving a slip of the pen or simple derangement. “It has a ringing quality, don’t you think?” he ventured, and the Editor looked at the dialogue in this light. “No it doesn’t” “Perhaps we should be careful” said the eager new junior, “You know how the man ridiculed by one generation can  becomes the prophet of the next,” and they both looked carefully at the phrasing once again. “Once more to the bard dear friends and swilge our grapes”.

“Puzzling” said the Editor, “The word ‘swilge’ has a certain tone to it. What do you think it means?”. “Well that is the problem with prophets” said his junior, “Their meaning often only becomes clear some time after they’ve popped  their clogs”  “Popped their Clogs” said the Editor and raised his eyebrows, “You seem to be infected by this man’s use of language” The junior, now certainly was infected by possibly unwarranted enthusiasm stood back and said to his boss, “Declaim the line sir. Speak it out as if you where on stage”. Swept along by the interest of his new colleague the Editor did just that, and raising his arm, said in a loud projected voice ” Forsooth Yo chum, into the very bed of rock the teapot rung” putting plenty of Rrrr’s into the last word, and sure enough there was a certain dynamism to it which took you far beyond the land of meaning.

“I think you’ve got something here”  “Oft till the night wings flap oe’r surried plains” he said, booming out the next line which on reflection, seemed to have no connection to the one proceeding it. Once bitten, both men started quoting liberally from the book and giggling increasingly at the very oddness of it all.

So it was that this curious item was published internationally and started the new hobby of proclaiming nonsense in public, a fashion previously enjoyed only by those of a political persuasion.

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About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, creative writing, faith, Fiction, humour, life2, poetry, Talent, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to A New Bard Strides Forth

  1. Jane says:

    oh… I will be giggling all day on this. Thanks.

    Like

  2. catterel says:

    Spluttered into my coffee with even greater gusto than usual at this! Yo Chum!

    Like

  3. Ina says:

    Hi Peter, this is great, really funny and those lines are beautiful when read out loud! It probably was a blood line and it is running in his family as I never understand Shakespeare either without a translation lol 🙂
    I am glad I read this blog 🙂 Cheered me up!

    Like

  4. catterel says:

    Whether ’tis nobler ‘gainst the seas of fortune to stir an arrow or shake a spear … that is the question.

    Like

  5. Julie says:

    ha ha ha Mr. Wells. I’m off to swilge my wild grapes! I’ve been swilging them nearley all day.
    This was well written and as always a pleasure. Thanks!

    Julie

    Like

  6. desertrose7 says:

    Their voices resound loudly in my head. Loudly? Loud and clear then.
    🙂

    Like

  7. My daily dose of humour – thank you Peter; brilliant piece!

    Like

  8. Al says:

    You give politicians way too much credit.

    Like

  9. Required reading before ANY political campaign. Perhaps we can laugh the nitwits out of office.

    Like

  10. lexborgia says:

    Words elude me, my good man. Another stroke of brilliance.

    Like

  11. So, this is how Will started, eh? It all makes so much more sense now!
    b

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  12. And in your next post, you’ll provide us a list of the Top Ten in that genre. Let me guess…

    Like

  13. Haha! This is absolutely delicious!!! Gadzooks! 😊

    Like

  14. elainecanham says:

    Round and round the ragged teapot the rugged bard he swam, and when he met with Scarlett he didn’t give a damn. Oh swilge, how I love thee, let me count the ways…stop! I’ve been doing this all afternoon. Did you ever hear of William Stir Arrow’s other relation, Bill Wagga Dagga? Emigrated to Australia.

    Like

  15. CKoepp says:

    Fabulous! … and an excellent description of modern politics. 😉

    Like

  16. jmmcdowell says:

    Outstanding, damn spot! Methinks the editor is lost in the winter of our band of brothers. 🙂

    Like

  17. unknown says:

    ‘I think you’ve got something there.’ – killer line, beautifully placed! Splendid piece – remember, jam IS thicker than blood…

    Like

  18. loved it Peter! it all depends on interpretation

    Like

  19. hahaha thanks for the laugh to start my day!

    Like

  20. Mélanie says:

    LL=large “like” for your post and HL=huge “like” for your last sentence… 🙂 I totally agree with you!
    * * *
    thanx a bunch of rosemary from my frontyard for dropping by my crossroads… btw, my blog is bilingual: French and English. 🙂

    Like

  21. Very amusing! And in the time I have been away I see you have decided to reveal your true identity. I do appreciate being able to know a blogger’s first name!

    Like

  22. Caroline says:

    As usual you are a joy to read. Thanks for bringing tears of mirth – verily to my jaundiced eye!
    xxx

    Like

  23. ****You know how the man ridiculed by one generation becomes the prophet of the next***

    Brilliant))!

    Xxx Kiss for you, Peter.

    Like

    • Peter,
      just wanted you to know that while lying in bed today (EARLY) I heard Mr. Liverpool screaming, laughing, clapping his hands, and going WILD in the living area. Of course, he was watching Liverpool playing soccer. Anyhow, I just assumed you were watching the same game! xx

      Like

      • I do want you to know that I am very aware of that result, and the whole football season has felt like someone you dislike jumping up and down on a painful bruise. In sport fanmanship, you have to take it but its painful. Always lovely to heat from you. Perhaps in some future season, we will get to watch a game together. That would be good

        Like

  24. nelle says:

    Bravo! Another thoroughly enjoyable post. There’s a whole lot of cleverness in this one.

    Like

  25. Agree so with Nelle ^^ BTW I nearly “swilge” my gingerale out my nostrils thanks to your royal funniness, lol, love it! 😉

    Like

  26. gotham girl says:

    Snort, chuckle, snort…love my mornings when you post!

    Like

  27. Swilage might actually catch on, Peter! 🙂 So might Popped your clogs. Well done and well-timed. Forsooth, me thinks the Bard is playing with the both of us!

    Sorry I can’t catch up on all of your posts–I’m just trying to make an effort to let you know I’m still alive, kicking, and thinking of you!

    Like

  28. Kavita Joshi says:

    Fabulous..atlho I am not much into politics but love this post …you are awesome writer Peter…love your work 🙂

    Like

  29. Pingback: Surbiton Writers Group Talks: Pearls Of Wisdom About Writing Success From Author Peter Wells – The Surbiton Writers Group

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