So I’m walking along, and here comes Nick, who I’ve not seen in a while but, you know Nick, he’s whistling and got his hands stuck in his pockets: cheery and all’s right with the world, and he gives me a nod. “How’s it going Nick?, How’s work?” I ask
“Invisible mate” says he, cheery as a glutton in a chocolate factory, and I asked him what he means. “I’m unemployed: can’t get a look in anywhere” “Ooh that’s not good Nick” says I. “How do you fill in the time?”
“Oh no problem with that. I spend three of four hours looking out of the window trying to see if I can spot the leaves in the tree across the road growing”. I raise my eyebrows a little because that sounds a bit, you know, weird. “Not much point in pursuing that line”, I thought, poor old Nick, so I asked what else he did. “We’ll there’s exercise of course, I make the bed every day. Chuck the duvet round a bit: give those feathers a right shaking I can tell you”. “That sounds good” Nick I say, I always like to encourage, and then I ask him what else he does.
“I cut up onions for an hour in the afternoon and it helps me cry, “. “Helps you cry Nick. Is that good” “Oh yes, ” he says, “Get it all out, you can’t hold any secrets with those onions: they get right into the heart of you”
“Bloody hell Nick”, I say, ” So you might say you know your Onions, or at least they know you” and we both have a laugh. We always do me and Nick.
“So it must be pretty quiet then, apart from the crying and all those leaves sneaking around trying not to be spotted. “Not really, “says Nick. “I’ve always got these voices in my head”, “In your head Nick” and I look a bit concerned. “Well the mother in law lives with me and can’t I shut her up” “He moves his eyebrows around again and raises a hand briefly as if the entire history of Europe is in his palm. He continues, “Get off your arse you lazy lump”. “Is that all you can do?. “There’s, nothing out there. Get a life, get a job, get anything”, and I just look at her and think my thoughts. “And what are those Nick”
“Well you know my wife died don’t you ” he said, and I just nodded because it wasn’t a good memory. Well I’m all my mother in law has now, and she’s in a wheelchair. What would you do?” he asked. I thought for a bit, and then said, “I’d get her to peel some onions: sounds like she needs a heart to heart” and we both laughed