Forays Into Marketing and The Power of Sausages


Some of you may know I have been busy recently writing a book, and some of you will be astonished to know I have now finished it, and am about ready to send it off for the traditional mauling by the editors. As I move along this process I realise I am getting nearer and nearer that stage in  proceedings when I might have to actually market the product if it is to be purchased by people other than my local publican, some family members and that hairdresser chap who cuts my hair, and thinks I might be a source of catering tips on account of my obsession with sausages.

Just to veer off topic for a second, I can tell you that me and mine  went out for Sunday lunch yesterday because my Ambassador to Youth has got in to University, ( Whoop Whoop Whoop, popping corks etc ) and the event is part of our schedule of celebrations currently planned to continue for about the next fifteen years. The pub was chosen because it sells a little side dish called ‘pigs in blankets’ which is a posh way of describing sausages wrapped in bacon. I must say that again for those of you who could not comprehend the idea of such luxury on a single fork: Sausages wrapped in Bacon.

People who know me, know I love Sausages more than the national anthem or ‘Gibblings Guide to Tyre Repair” a standard reference work I’m sure you are familiar with. Anyway, you could order any main dish  you liked in my opinion, because frankly who cares. Thus, feigning a casualness I did not feel I asked for something boring and now forgotten, together with  a small side dish of four ‘Pigs I.B.’

“Sold out sir”, said the waitress, who until then I had thought to be a pleasing and cheering soul. “Pardon” says I.

“Sold Out” she repeats. Before I could be stopped I had entered a period of mourning,  so extreme that it may have darkened the atmosphere of the entire meal and, indeed the restaurant: tears were involved with an undercurrent of hysteria. Birds could be heard weeping in the trees outside the window and one or two rodents left the kitchen, disgusted by the lack of choice currently available at this previously regarded eating house.

I now realise that I have gone on about sausages for so long that there is no room to talk about marketing, but I will let slip this tiny morsel of information if I may. With a display of intimidating will-power not seen since the invention of the electric tin opener, I have not used the word ‘sausage’ once in my novel. Will the editor make me think again. Only time will tell, but my fork always remains at the ready.

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About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, cooking, creative writing, Fiction, humour, Relationships, writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

39 Responses to Forays Into Marketing and The Power of Sausages

  1. Jane says:

    You must share your book how to get your book when published….which you did not share the name …. and please make sure it is available in a Kindle version.

    Like

  2. catterel says:

    Sounds silly, but don’t forget Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and all those other annoying things that can’t be ignored. Otherwise, I second Jane. Fingers crossed, and please – a signed copy to all your followers! xx

    Like

  3. beeseeker says:

    Best wishes – with the publication (agree with the responses above) and with the sausage cravings.

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  4. NotDownOrOut says:

    Definitely interested in any book you wrote. If I can get it with sausage (wrapped in bacon notwithstanding), it will be the Christmas gift for the entire family!

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  5. An ode to the sausage – very nice distraction from that banality marketing!

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  6. Can’t wait to see the book! Congrats on finishing it (or at least finishing the draft – hope it doesn’t get TOO mauled!)

    Like

  7. Nadeema Mir says:

    gave sausages a vote 🙂 velly velly funny welly – giggles over my mixed salad delights – unfortunately not a sausage in sight here either. me xxxxxxxxxxxx Date: Mon, 9 Sep 2013 09:21:02

    Like

  8. gotham girl says:

    Just can’t wait to read it!! Congrats on such progress thus far!

    Like

  9. leagpage says:

    But the mauling involved in making sausage ends with a decidedly delicious product, as I would expect to happen with your book.

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  10. Al says:

    You have made my day. I am charging up the battery in the Kindle as we speak.

    As for the sausage incident, it’s good that you were able to let your emotions out as you did. To bottle up that utter and justified disappointment for years would have been self-destructive and would surely have led to a life-long hatred of waitresses, restaurants, and mankind in general.

    P.S. The standard mourning period for denial of “pigs in a blanket” is six months, unless of course, it was the “hungry man” size, in which case you may wallow in self-pity for years.

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  11. That is the shortest period I have ever noticed between announcement of intention and finished product 😀 Fantastic! Congratulations 🙂
    (If it’s made available internationally, you can be sure I’ll be reading it.)

    Like

  12. eric keys says:

    For us Yanks, PIB means hot dog wrapped in pastry. A tasty dish, but hardly even in the same league as Sausages wrapped in Bacon.

    Glad to hear the book is moving along. I expect to hear the stories of mufti-million dollar advances and sparkling lyncothropic blood sucking angles and movie deals immanently.

    Like

  13. Very exciting! Best of luck with the editing 🙂

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  14. Jane Thorne says:

    Brilliant that you have finished your book…..sausages to celebrate are being sent as I write…..go Ducky. Well done that man. x

    Like

  15. Nanny Cool says:

    Congratulations x

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  16. babs50nfab says:

    Can’t wait to learn more about your book, Peter! I had no idea. Hope you’ll share your editor/publisher info with the rest of us ‘wannabes’.
    I think I could use a good editor.
    b

    Like

  17. vsperry says:

    I loved your PIB story, lots of giggling here, perhaps you could hear it across the pond. I am working on the marketing thing for artwork as well, it’s a whole new world with a different language unto itself. Keep us apprised on how it turns out.

    Like

  18. Congratulations on your book!

    As Eric Keys mentioned, “Pigs in a Blanket” are hots dogs wrapped in pastry dough. We used to eat them as kids decades ago. I believe the Pillsbury crescent roll dough was often used to wrap the frankfurters, then baked in an oven. They’re pretty basic, but I enjoyed them.

    Like

  19. nelle says:

    Life without sausage?

    Best wishes on your next step. You are quite entertaining!

    Like

  20. Well done for the book! What an achievement. I hope your withdrawal symptoms for the sausages didnt last too long and you were able to get a fix very soon! 🙂

    Like

  21. renxkyoko says:

    I don’t have Kindle, my ‘puter cannot take in ebooks anymore, so I hope it’s gonna be a regular book that I can order from Amazon. * I already bought a book by a blogger, Nicholas Conley, and the book is The Cage Legacy.* Oh, and congratulations on finishing the book.

    Like

  22. Sausages in bacon! Absolutely smashing idea! Sounds delightful. You’ll have them for treats at your book signings and invite us all, won’t you? They won’t be out of them?

    Like

  23. ampbreia says:

    Mmmmm… sausages!

    Like

  24. Caroline says:

    I await publication with keen interest

    xxxx

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  25. Congratulations on finishing your book – wishing you every success with it!!! In the meantime (why do they call it ‘mean’time, why not ‘kind’time, lol), even though I eat none, I so long to run to the market and get some sausages and bacon and cook them and send them to you. After all that, they’d spoil on the way, I know, lol. Still would like to do it, though. Could see you sitting there with an empty fork and just the image was enough to put me in mourning with you! (especially as I’ve actually seen you in pics thanks to KIm) 😉

    Like

  26. I am so happy your book is finished and on its way to publication. No, the marketing thing is not fun … even a little embarrassing at time … and rather wearying and distracting … but a necessary evil, I guess. As far as the your favorite meal part of this post … that second to last paragraph (especially, the last sentence) is better than anything Monty Python could come up or perhaps a rather deranged Disney movie! Look forward to your book coming out. Can’t wait. And I’ll be glad to help promote it. (If you’re interested in exchanging a copy with my novel for reviewing, let me know. I’m game!) 🙂

    Like

  27. Shonnie says:

    VERY pleased to hear this Ducky! I am so excited that you have done what I set out to do, and completed it–unlike myself. I am so very excited for you my friend. Let me know when it comes out … I will be very happy to purchase your book. I might even READ it. hahaha! 😀

    Like

  28. Mike Wilson says:

    Congrats on your book. About sausages: after you come visit Shonnie and me in Florida, you can continue on to central Texas for AMAZING sausages. Czech and German immigrants mixed their sausage-making skills, with the spicy food that is so popular in the area, and then smoked them. They are awesome!

    Like

  29. Well, Peter, I’m sorry about your disappointing culinary experience, but your cardiovascular system surely thanks you.

    As for your book, if you are so inclined, contact me via my email (dizzylorna@hotmail.com). When the timing is right, I can help with promoting your book by doing a interview with you close to your book launch. I’m so happy you wrote a book! You have such wonderful talent. I would love to help you in any way that I can!

    Like

  30. desertrose7 says:

    I will read your book! You must tell us where to buy it
    Now…the sausages. You had a bad case of “I can’t change my taste buds mind.” They have a mind you see and once they get on ONE TRACK, it’s simply a disaster. They sulk. Sometimes for days. I know!

    Like

  31. 1WriteWay says:

    Oh, this was so much fun to read! Somehow I’ve missed many of your posts of late. My loss for sure, but I will correct the error 🙂

    Like

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