A Meeting at the ‘Gloating Butler’


Nigel was feeling pretty good about life. Bloody invincible frankly. Lets take the brakes off and just admit he felt like a newly discovered god. At forty-six he felt more than pleased to be himself and sitting opposite the twenty two year old Russian vision of beauty possibly known as Adviga: a recent capture from his on-line dating adventures.  She was armed with a limited supply of the English Language but had a figure which posed a threat to any male wallet.

With his self knowledge kept firmly in check, Nigel was confident that it may have been his newly acquired millions which attracted her to step outside her comfort zone into  his new found luxury, but it was his wit and wisdom which kept her hanging on to his every credit card.  He was sharing a bottle of Krug with his  friend Derek, a  self confessed sage of the race track.

Currently Derek  was bestowing a lavish supply of attention on Adviga’s chest, a small amount of which was covered by a fabric of unknown origin. However hard Derek squinted at or near the fabric, the label remained tantalizingly out of view. ‘Nige’ was forgiving in that department, “Look but don’t touch” was his motto, unless you happened to be  talking about his schoolboy crush, Peggy,  whom he was determined to charm and win over  with his new-found wealth, grooming and all round class. Peggy, the only dream who Nigel viewed with something near unschooled emotion.  Who brought him to a love unmarked by irony was an obsession .Winning her would be the final sign that he had arrived.  In the meantime  Adviga was happy to be the stop-gap who also trained him in the arts of courtship: modern style.

As with most people of limited ability who are plucked from misfortune by a twist of fate, Nigel had considered every approach to life before settling on cockiness for which he found he had a natural aptitude. The next day,  as soon as he’d purchased his Bentley, complete with steering wheel and a small bag of male vanity products, Nigel had made sure to park, by accident, near the Jaguar garage of his former school-boy rival who had snatched the love of his life  from under his nose. He’d wandered into the garage and accosted ‘Geoff’ with a smile made all the more perfect by a recent bout of cosmetic surgery and said, “Still selling  cut price motors then.”.while nodding in the direction of his new car. Geoff did not seem all that pleased to see him, but Nige, as he was often known these days, was not the man to be put off by a lukewarm welcome.

One thing Nigel had learnt was that in the fast moving world of networking and wine bar assignations, impressions were more important than reality. As his friend ‘Ducker ‘ had told him in a recent strategy meeting at some swankery in the middle of town. “Never stay around long enough for them to check your references.” Ducker had a phrase for every eventuality.

Fortune, that makeshift trickster, threw Nige a curved ball and arranged for Peggy to enter the garage just as he was boasting to her husband. That fragile delicate vision not seen for many years and with a beauty made more precious by her modesty. An image treasured and remembered so powerfully from his youth, had morphed, Nigel now saw,  into something resembling a  large  rippled pyramid of flesh with a head stuck on top of it: the last word in calorie abandon. Nigel searched for a sign of that quiet and disturbing beauty but could not find it. “Hello Nigel” she said. “Are you keeping well.” Her  eyes, still sweet and understanding, peered out at him from a sea of gentle fat. “Don’t worry ” she said, “All I ever offered you was awareness.”

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About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, creative writing, Fiction, humour, Relationships, writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to A Meeting at the ‘Gloating Butler’

  1. cyberian says:

    Adviga or Peggy – which one is the girl of his screams?

    Like

  2. Al says:

    “A figure that posed a threat to any male wallet?” Absolutely Pulitzer worthy! You rock, ducks!

    Like

  3. risinghawk says:

    Very nice! I agree with Al, that was a great turn of a phrase 🙂

    Like

  4. renxkyoko says:

    Ah. looks like Peggy let go…. calorie abandon, as you very well put it. Time to let go of his dreams now. I don’t like the Russian beauty. I hope you don’t pair him off with her. that would be very tragic.

    Like

  5. erickeys says:

    You’ve got a great talent for constructing memorable lines. This is great stuff.

    Like

  6. babs50nfab says:

    THIS is brilliant! I went from smirking to laughing out loud. Great realization of the old saying, ‘Money only amplifies your personality, so if you’re an ass to begin with, you become a bigger ass’. But it seems Peggy had that covered. 😉
    b

    Like

  7. backonmyown says:

    Nobody turns a phrase quite like you do. Masterful!

    Hi Ducks! I’ve been hiding out for a while. I hope you’re well.

    Like

  8. nelle says:

    Perhaps a figure that caught the attention of an occasional woman as well. 😉

    Like

  9. Jane says:

    . An image treasured and remembered so powerfully from his youth, had morphed, Nigel now saw, into something resembling a large rippled pyramid of flesh with a head stuck on top of it: the last word in calorie abandon.
    I am so sorry you wrote this….

    Like

  10. Excellent! I have my own visual image of all these characters!

    Your writing would be great as situation pieces on TV. But the actors would have to be very good to do justice to your extremely colourdul and complex characters 🙂

    I have really warmed to poor.Nigel; his name suits him so well. I hope he doesnt give Adviga ammunition to mess him about!

    Like

  11. araneus1 says:

    “As with most people of limited ability who are plucked from misfortune by a twist of fate, Nigel had considered every approach to life before settling on cockiness for which he found he had a natural aptitude.”

    Gold!

    Also, as a Jaguar owner….. I forgive you.
    Terry

    Like

  12. Purely.. Kay says:

    You seriously have this habit of making me go into dreamlike form when i read any of your stories. You just have this way with words that I appreciate.

    Like

  13. Jane Thorne says:

    Acerbic wit at play …. calorie abandon? Naughty Ducky x

    Like

  14. Peter,
    your words are smooth like butter. Xx

    Like

  15. Another wonderful story. I love the layers you give your characters – and the unexpected. I love Peggy’s retort to him at the end. She certainly seems at peace with herself. 🙂

    Like

  16. donnaeve says:

    Hi, dropping by to let you know, you really do have a way with words…and…the story above is IMHO a very good short story – you ought to submit it – if you haven’t already!

    Like

    • Very nice thing to say. I’m not sure who to submit it too and all that kind of thing. In many ways I have taken lack of marketing ability to the next level

      Like

      • donnaeve says:

        Sounds like me…there was one spot in particular I thought of (Rose & Thorn) but they’ve shut down…here’s one you could try…and if this one didn’t work, I Googled “short story submissions” and came up with quite a few places. You have a distinct voice, and as others have said, that wry wit and humor that makes reading your work fun – but you get across some very valid points as well.
        http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/Publishing.html

        Good luck!

        Like

  17. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Dang you’re interesting!! I love this writing.

    Like

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