Desperate Circumstances

Professor Monkton, who graduated from a college created by his own imagination,  wrung his hands as he looked at his bank statement. Hardly enough for a light luncheon at the local refuse tip. Everything now hung on his latest invention. A jam and sponge cake of delicious flavour and density, but topped with a clever edible toothpaste which allowed you to clean your teeth even as you ate.

Like many of the forward facing inventions of our time, this simple combination of two items into one package saved the busy careerist valuable time which might be better used to slag off their boss, or elbow that talented new junior into career obscurity before they had the chance to damage your chances of the ultimate luxery. An expense account lunch with someone who was of no benefit to the firm you worked for, but knew how to choose good wine.

His last invention. The radio controlled golf ball,  guided by a sneaky transmitter attached to your watch, and meant to take the embarrasement out of corporate open days, had somehow failed to attract any sponsors. Now the exciting toothpaste cake was all he had.

He had left his last possible sponsor heaving into the trash can by his desk. His slight greenish colour and damp brow suggested that funding  was not in prospect but not to worry. Tomorrow was another day, and he believed in following his star, even if it was to the edge of oblivion. “Remember” he said to his last girlfriend as he was packing his collection of soft toys into his suitcase shortly before vacating her apartment, “People told John Lennon he wouldn’t make it, and look what happened to him”. “He got shot” she replied. Hard to argue with the truth, but that was more to do with fame. He wasn’t seeking fame. He was only after immortality.

About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in character, creative writing, Fiction, humour, skils, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Desperate Circumstances

  1. Ina says:

    Oh dear 🙂 lol I feel for him. And I like his inventions! They sound very usefull! Thanks for the big smile!


  2. gotham girl says:

    LOL! So much truth to this statement…”An expense account lunch with someone who was of no benefit to the firm you worked for, but knew how to choose good wine.” Well said! Ran into so many of those during my corporate career!


  3. Caroline says:

    Happy memories of business lunches!!

    Love the invention. My dad never forgave me for my orange juice and hand-cream drink which I apparently created at the age of 4!! The taste haunted him for the rest of his life. The very mention of handcream and orange juice in the same sentence was enough to turn him green!!!



  4. Al says:

    Another tragic case of true genius going unappreciated. But I appreciate his resolve. After all, where would the world be if Rufus Unguentine had given up? We would never have had the vibrating sock.


  5. catterel says:

    Always a rainbow at the end of the tunnel! Thanks for the chuckle this morning and the penetrating insights.


  6. This is a great short story. Still time for the Writer’s Digest contest, Peter… I’ll proof it (edit it) for you if you like. Just saw a few technical difficulties–not with the inventions, mind you! 😉


  7. Oh, thank you for the huge smile this gave me today. I could have gone on reading more and more.
    My only useless invention wasn’t even mine! i was devastated when I found out rose petal perfume had been done before! Over many generations! My family must have smelled disgusting as they “willingly” gave in to my persistent offers to dab it upon their person in extremely large dabs!

    More of this great writing please! 🙂


  8. babs50nfab says:

    I think the golf ball would be a huge success in the ‘duffer’ league! I also agree with Lorna. The only thing keeping you from greatness is a good editor!


  9. Purely.. Kay says:

    I will agree with Lorna and Babs, you have always been a great writer (which is why I visit this blog all the time :)). Grammatical errors or not )


  10. renxkyoko says:

    ha ha countingducks ! I cringed and shuddered at that new invention… a cake with toothpaste ! ! can’t compare that with John lennon’s , not a bit.
    But that’s funny, though.


  11. Kirri White says:

    I’m thinking it was just the jam sponge cake that made him ill – does anyone truly like sponge cake? I only do chocolate cake myself.

    You have friends who can edit your words and get your writing out in the public eye a bit more….why not? Why not now 🙂


  12. ~~~~Peter,
    you must send some of your work in for publication.
    I,for one, think you’re brilliant. Xxx


  13. nelle says:

    A radio controlled golf ball could be fun, particularly for those who could hack the frequency and hide in the bushes at the local country club and work a different ball path than intended.


  14. Julie says:

    You are so funny. I’m thinking of new inventions now. My invention that has never been ‘discovered’ is a tear open powdered instant coffee drink that inludes cream and sugar for the person on the go. Remember, you read it here first. 😉

    Have a good day.



  15. winsomebella says:

    I agree with Lorna—this should be sent off to contest to bring you fame and glory 🙂


  16. sillymexox0 says:

    This reminds me of Lennons ‘Imagine’.

    “You may say, I’m a dreamer. But I’m nit the only one.”


    Love how you have a witty way of conveying the deepest of messages.


  17. Aura says:

    Lorna is right! This was good reading and writing. You always make me think. I mean, think more, lol. Thanks 😀


  18. The world is hardly ever ready for such true inventiveness! But long may it continue. Hey, Da Vinci had all kinds of ‘crazy’ ideas … some that are reality today. There is a certain lightheartedness in this piece, despite the ending … which I love!


  19. ElizOF says:

    That last paragraph is both telling and funny! Loved the post. 😉


  20. oxforddphile says:

    this is awesome! really very good.


  21. restlessjo says:

    Immortality he certainly found! Many thanks for the smile. 🙂


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