At sometime in our life, dependant on age we should be one of the first two. Number three is a word used for those who have drifted off-line or ” done their own thing” to such an extent that they can no longer be regarded as being “on message.”
Alright, we all love subtlety and a sense of conflicting personalities so I will allow that a man or women can sometimes be both the second or third at the same time. I myself was settled nicely on the train and riding to “Success City”. Sadly I got over engrossed in the Book I was reading, “Zoo Management for Vegetarians”, more difficult than you realise actually. Trying to get those lions to develop a taste for veggie burgers takes longer than you think.
Anyway, once I was parked in that pleasing cul-de-sac called ” No Known Uses” I set my mind to thinking of ideas I could put forward which might gain the attention of those in power and pluck me from obscurity. My first, and I think my most powerful idea was this.: I wanted an additional clause in the Geneva convention, which covers the conduct of nations at war reading as follows. “No army may engage with another until all officers and the men under their command are severely inhibited by alcohol”. The idea is that one nation can make its point to the other without too severe a loss of life.
Let us now dwell on the impact this useful ruling would have had during the Charge of the Light Brigade or in some fierce skirmish during the war with Napoleon. The opposing general, who may be unable to mount his horse at this point says “Charlge” “Don’t splur the imony”, “once more into the bleach dear friends” and other immortal phrases. The gallant troops stumble forward but most don’t make it to the point of engagement. There is the occasional sound of gunfire but injuries are minimal. More often than not soldiers rush past each other, in search of a toilet.
Anyway, I have sent this idea to the Ministry of Defence who see a couple of teething troubles. Obviously the Taliban are non drinkers, so we might have to disguise their tipple as Orange juice, but other than that, they assure me they are giving the whole thing serious consideration. That’s odd. There are some smart looking gentlemen in white coats standing outside the front door. All thoughts below please or to an address of your choice.