Being Promising, Predictable or Unreliable

At sometime in our life, dependant on age we should be one of the first two. Number three is a word used for those who have drifted off-line or ” done their own thing” to such an extent that they can no longer be regarded as being “on message.”

Alright, we all love subtlety and a sense of conflicting personalities so I will allow that a man or women can sometimes be both the second or third at the same time. I myself was settled nicely on the train and riding to “Success City”. Sadly I got over engrossed in the Book I was reading, “Zoo Management for Vegetarians”, more difficult than you realise actually. Trying to get those lions to develop a taste for veggie burgers takes longer than you think.

Anyway, once I was parked in that pleasing cul-de-sac called ” No Known Uses” I set my mind to thinking of ideas I could put forward which might gain the attention of those in power and pluck me from obscurity. My first, and I think my most powerful idea was this.: I wanted an additional clause in the Geneva convention, which covers the conduct of nations at war  reading as follows. “No army may engage with another until all officers and the men under their command are severely inhibited by alcohol”. The idea is that one nation can make its point to the other without too severe a loss of life.

Let us now dwell on the impact this useful ruling would have had during the Charge of the Light Brigade or in some fierce skirmish during the war with Napoleon. The opposing general, who may be unable to mount his horse at this point says “Charlge” “Don’t splur the imony”, “once more into the bleach dear friends”  and other immortal phrases. The gallant troops stumble forward but most don’t make it to the point of engagement. There is the occasional sound of gunfire but injuries are minimal. More often than not soldiers rush past each other, in  search  of a toilet.

Anyway, I have sent this idea to the Ministry of Defence who see a couple of teething troubles. Obviously the Taliban are non drinkers, so we might have to disguise their tipple as Orange juice, but other than that, they assure me they are giving the whole thing serious consideration. That’s odd. There are some smart looking gentlemen in white coats standing outside the front door. All thoughts below please or to an address of your choice.

About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
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15 Responses to Being Promising, Predictable or Unreliable

  1. renxkyoko says:

    Wait….. I don’t get it…. because I’m not British ? lol I’m familiar with Charge of the Light Brigade though.


  2. Abby says:

    For what it’s worth, I can predictably rely on you for entertaining, insightful blog posts. Good luck with everything else 😉


  3. Truly hysterical. I can see these fine gents falling off their horses and wondering what the heck just happened! Brilliant!

    My idea for ending the urge to send troops to war is less comical. I think all those bureaucrats pretending to be politicians who vote for violence as a way to restore peace should have to lead the charge and take their children with them. It’s too easy to sit in their cozy, safe offices and homes and let others do the fighting, suffering, and dying. Let them see and experience for themselves what they so easily endorse.

    See, not nearly so funny as “Ready. Shoot. Aim!” after having a good glug of hard cider!


  4. backonmyown says:

    You’re funny, Ducks. Lord knows we need some new clauses. Good luck with that.


  5. nelle says:

    rofl… you could entice the Taliban with a bit of their refined poppies.

    I like your style. It brings back one of the old 60s songs of Snoopy and the Red Baron.


  6. Al says:

    I like this, ducks. Instead of the “fog of war” it would become the “grog of war.”


  7. eof737 says:

    Good luck with that one…. Was the book that good? 😆


  8. I haven’t heard a better idea than that in a long time! Moslems could have dope. Worked in Ali in Da House!


  9. Oh, you are a complete delight! Thank you for a brilliantly entertaining read 🙂


  10. ducky,
    I don’t give a damn what the men in white coats think, you are a bloody genius.


  11. Lady E says:

    Teehee !
    I agree with Kim, genius 😉 !


  12. Well, well, what an idea! I usually think alcohol does more harm than good … but you have put forward the possibility of an interesting exception!


  13. Christine says:

    What a wonderful mind you have. I had fun catching up on your blog this morning : )


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