Bert, Fred, Jeff and Arnold

God, I love those guys. They’ve seen me through a through  a few scrapes and out the other side. I mean myself Fred and Arnold went down to Italy once, and Fred and I fell into the sea. It was a riot.

Oh, sorry. Don’t get the wrong idea. Bert, Fred and the rest are Sweaters but they’ve been around forever and I now number them among my closest friends. Don’t get me started about Stan, my loyal trainers. They just sticks by me through thick and thin.

Mind you, her indoors is not as keen on them as I am. She says things like “They are worn out”, No one’s wearing that stuff anymore” and the like but what price loyalty eh. A sweater with character is not that easy to find. Ok, I’ll be the first to admit that those clean threaded items in the clothes shop look a bit smart, and I’m sure they like to show off in a few swanky cafe’s. But what have they done. No swim in the Italian sea in their memory banks. I mean they just ponce around showing off.

I’m delighted that there seems to be years of wear in my clothes and I stand before you, metaphorically speaking, equipped for all temperature’s  and weather conditions found in this island, and a number of other countries and continents. Strangely, my partner and a number of other people don’t share this view and refer to me as, “Unkempt”, Scruffy”, “Not on this Planet” and so on, but lets face it. Have they fallen into the sea with me off the Italian coast. No.  What price memory eh. You’ll never find that in a clothes shop.

Mind you, I don’t stroll naked into the halls of high society. What me. You must be joking. Doug, a quiet little two piece suite that normally lives at the back of the wardrobe slides off its hangers and says. “Stick with me son: I’ll get you through the evening” and he does you know. Some people even say I look smart. Wonders never cease. Mind you, that day I dropped a burger in a motorway service station and got sauce all over the trousers. What a riot. Doug has never let me forget about that. That’s friends for you: they know you but they still love you.