Still Centre of the Turning Wheel


All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing as the air moved rhythmically through the snorkel. Below me the sea was crystal clear and there was the clean white sand of the sea floor about thirty feet below me. Rising from it where the submerged rocks, like some unmapped mountain range. Coral grew from every crevice and the different varieties where breathtaking with the fronds  waving gently in the passing currents. Multi coloured fish moved slowly through the growth and, looking at it, I became lost in another world where daily events had no context. The peace and serenity  filled me with a powerful sense of calm and bought me to a place where I felt at one with the world around me. It became a sort of prayer.

At other times in my life, sitting by the sea or moving over it silently in boats, or walking in mountains lost in distant views. Sometimes moving through the narrow streets of foreign countries, a stranger to all but myself I have achieved the same sense of completeness. A man greeting the world around him, connecting with the planet on which we live and gaining a brief sense of the context in which lives more simply lived enjoy their own routines.

Now, I have become a captain without a boat or pilot without a plane I have tasted certain truths: a man without influence or power is increasingly ignored and marginalised: this I have found from experience. It is an introduction to  subtle forms of humiliation available to those at the margins of society or influence. Sometimes, in these quite different circumstances, where the pressure to sustain myself has been as severe as anything I have known I have also experienced a sense of displaced calm not dissimilar to that which I felt some years ago floating above the coral.

This has stolen up on me almost unawares: that I should find a peace in this quite different place would seem was barely possible. Don’t get me wrong, my existance is currently very low on any kind of certainty apart from the ability to breath and walk which I am grateful for.. Any troubles I find myself in are largely my own fault athough there is a ladybird walking across the laptop:a conduct that borders on the rude and I may well give it a stiff talking-to to vent my frustrations.

It is a strange feeling: a sense of certainty and being in danger at one and the same time:  feeling part of some grand design even though rationally you know you are probably not. A proof that whatever your circumstances there are things to learn and feelings to be experienced.  I have always thought life to be an adventure and it goes without saying that some parts of these adventures are harder than others. What you learn from life is largely up to you but the chance to grow and learn is not necessarily tied to circumstances. It is a choice we can all make regardless of where we find ourselves.

At some point, one hopes, my circumstances will improve and I will then become less exposed to the censure of others. All my life I have taken pleasure in helping others but now I find no one needs help more than myself and looking after myself has never been something I have paid much attention to. Possibly the gods are telling me I should concentrate more when I’m in class. Only he knows.

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About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in blog, character, community, Environment, faith, Life, life2, Relationships, Talent and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to Still Centre of the Turning Wheel

  1. Abby says:

    While the details of your circumstances remain a fuzzy mystery (and absolutely none of our business) I am delighted that you have indeed checked back into the virtual world and let us know that you’re still hanging on, something I tend to do by a fingernail on a daily/hourly basis. I have no direction as to where I’m going, where I am or where I need to be, but “regardless of where we find ourselves,” we have that chance to grow–whether we like it or not.

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  2. Welcome back, countingducks

    Whatever your circumstances are, I hope they do, indeed, improve. This is a beautifully written, oblique and elliptical post. Sending you kind thoughts across the ether.

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  3. ~~a man without influence or power is increasingly ignored and marginalised~~

    Ducky, this sentence stood out “Boldly.”

    The thing is… it doesnt matter a damn what they think ( Whomever they are )

    What really matters is that your VOICE is strong & that you know Who You Are.

    You Do, Ducky! You Do! x

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  4. Julia says:

    Really great to hear from counting ducks again!

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  5. barbara says:

    Keep writing Peter! It helps to work out the kinks in life. No one is judging out here, no one has any ill will toward you here, we are all rooting for you and loving your words. Keep writing!
    b

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  6. So glad you’re back, Peter. This piece alludes to things much deeper than exploring a coral reef. I’ve just taken to swimming in a pool (where I’m unlikely to see sea critters that scare me). I know the peace of water–and the danger of it, too (even when I try to keep my head above it).

    Perhaps you’ll find some peace in the sanctuary of your writer’s mind as you are toss around in the waves of whatever life is bringing you. I hope so for your sake and ours.

    All the best always, my friend, Lorna

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  7. nelle says:

    Good to see you post. I’ve been through a bit, and more than anything, you need to believe in yourself as a starting point. Healing yourself follows, at least coming to equilibrium where the wounds are well counterbalanced by positive forces. Just remember there are people near and people far who care, and who will lend a shoulder, do what they can to help someone find that good place.

    *hugs*

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  8. Caroline says:

    May you head for wonderful calmer waters that caress your being.

    Stay true to yourself. That’s all any of us can do.

    Hugs
    xxx

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  9. Peter I am very happy to see you are back and writing! The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and focus on what you need to do. The rest will work itself from there – I wish you the best on your journey!

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  10. It is so wonderful to hear from you again. You write movingly and insightfully, and I hope you find the support of the little community a balm when one is needed.

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  11. Miss Emm says:

    You know, one of the things we continually fail to do us attend to ourselves. My grandma used to have a saying, “water your own tree before you can water someone else’s. ” it took me years to understand what she meant.

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  12. Kirri White says:

    Your writing always moves me but what I really want to say is that I have missed you. Really missed you. Please keep writing x

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  13. eof737 says:

    Peter, be strong and keep treading water even if it’s exhausting… the tide will shift. I have a sense of your current situation and can relate… i’m there. It is not fun when one feels powerless, and at the mercy of hypocrites… But I’ll say no more. Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs. 🙂

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  14. judithhb says:

    Good to see you back in the blogging world Peter. While I don’t know what has caused you this distress (and it’s none of my business anyway) I do hope that you find your way back to yourself. Be kind to yourself. We are all vulnerable at times and need to look after ourselves first.
    As they tell us on airplanes – Look after yourself first so that you can then help others. 🙂

    Like

  15. maturestudenthanginginthere says:

    I’m pleased you’re back – and boy are you back with a post that makes us work at interpreting things. Writing for me is a pleasure – so is reading. I enjoyed your post. Thank you.

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  16. backonmyown says:

    Hi Ducks. I’m glad you’re back. I’ve truly missed your insightful writing. I’m thinking good thoughts for you. “Don’t let the bastards (whoever they are) get you down.”

    Like

  17. Purely.. Kay says:

    Boy have I missed your writing :). it was so refreshing to read your post again. You have no idea how much I missed visiting this place. I don’t know if anyone has told you this.. but thank you for your wonderful post 🙂

    Like

  18. Al says:

    Your blog is proof that you are anything but marginalized or ignored. I’m reminded of a very trite but true saying “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” You too, will be stronger for enduring this hardship, whatever it is.

    One thing is certain. Your writing gift has not suffered as a result. Welcome back.

    Like

  19. Shonnie says:

    WELCOME back my long lost friend. I am so glad you joined us again. I wish to utter words to soothe the soul and strengthen the arms and make a friend ready for life. I pray that grace and peace lift your spirit and empower you in ways you had not imagined. 😀

    Like

  20. jayyzee says:

    Wow, this was beautiful.

    Like

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