Talking to myself

As I go about my day, apart from work and responsibility,  I find myself airing and discussing observations and ideas with myself. Sadly, on many occasions my thoughts are not of a practical nature. At regular intervals some part of my body might send a message up to mission control asking if there is any way we can get something to eat, or some such question, and I move to deal with the request if I can. More often someone outside my little orbit asks me to do something, and I have to suspend my ruminations to either deal with their demand or make a move to ignore it: both are tiresome.

Even worse, sometimes people are after me for something which I cannot give and I’m reduced to hopelessly evasive conduct in the hope that they tire of chasing me. Quite often something happens to someone else or a person whom I love which means I have to suspend all thoughts of myself and pitch in and see if I can make a difference. I don’t mind that. Caring about others is a pleasure not a burden. It is their difficulties which tire you and not their existence.

Blogging is the result of these ruminations. I write mainly to refine the conversation I am having with myself. If I’m lucky some people, and some of those on a regular basis, step in and add a comment which helps me refine my ideas, or even more astoundingly, leave me saying to myself, “No that isn’t what I meant at all” . More people tease out meanings I never realised I had and, of course the whole process is delightful and nourishing. The Albanian is particularly loyal and can suggest that I’m talking nonsense or shouldn’t even have an opinion until I have learnt to dress properly. That he should suspend marshalling his goats to engage me in debate is a wonderful tribute to his passion and appetite for lost causes.

Most of my reflections are on human conduct and how  our circumstances affect the way our opinions will be received or dealt with. If the CEO  of a major company sends out an urgent memo saying  “Crispy cream doughnuts are the most nutritious food and nothing else will be available in the canteen from now on ” his loyal workforce will salute his wisdom, and send him memos telling him “I was waiting for someone to be brave enough to say that. You are so wise and all-knowing. Can I have a promotion?”. If a junior in the marketing department says much the same thing people just shake their heads and tell him he is a fool and has already been overpromoted.

More than anything I thank God and the fates that I am free to think and day-dream as I wish. For many people,in large parts of our planet the freedom to daydream and discuss our ideas is a luxury almost beyond imagination, so pressing are the needs for day to day survival, or the oppressive nature of the governance under which they live. People in Libya are waking up to the possibility that they might once more be able to do this too, after forty plus years of brutality and suppression:  this is what I am thinking today. Their celebrations are a rare cause for unambiguous rejoicing whatever position you find yourself in life.

About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in blog, community, creative writing, Libya, Life, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Talking to myself

  1. I adore your ruminations. I’ve found that the written word, especially in cyber space, without a tone of voice, can make such a difference in how it is interpreted. Sometimes the energy of what I am attempting to share comes across… often the reader can’t help but create a tone that has a lot more to do with their current mood than mine at the time of writing. I’m as guilty as the next person, especially when reading emails ~ I sure make up things and read between the lines in ways that are so strange and have nothing to do with what was intended. I love that your posts make me ruminate 🙂


  2. Barbara says:

    You are so right. It’s hard to imagine there are people who can’t possibly practice the freedom to daydream. We have so much to be grateful for, and I’m grateful for your ruminations.


  3. Miss Emm says:

    Wait a minute….do you mean Crispy cream doughnuts are NOT the most nutritious food on this plant? Because I swear by them.

    I enjoy your writings because you say all the things that I think of but do not have the verbal capacity to express. Happy Monday!


  4. backonmyown says:

    You’re so funny. Did you mean to be funny?

    I, too, talk to myself. I have no one else to talk to. I don’t really like the telephone. I reassure myself from time to time that I’m not loony I just inherited the self-talk gene from my dad. We used to tease him for talking to himself and his response was, “Well, I like to get intelligent answers to my questions.” I’ve borrowed that line a number of times.

    Thanks for mentioning Libya. I’m cheering them on, too. It takes great courage to overturn an evil government.


  5. The T says:

    Meh…ducks…you know me…i live for the thoughts that are in my head…good ones, bad ones…the ones i write about…. and especially for the ones i choose to not write about…

    the dangerous ones are the ones who consume your soul….



  6. nelle says:

    Imagine not having an imagination, that thing that allows us to assemble stored perceptions and shake it out or coalesce (your choice) into some sort of point of view. Imagination, with music as its primary fuel, enabled me to survive a closet for four plus decades. Imagination solves my problems to the extent they are solvable, imagination gets me through the worse downturns, and trust me, I’ve had a few!

    I guess for me thinking and imagination are peas in the same pod, though I am loathe to think of me as a host pod to multiple peas. I sit hear and smile, even emanate a tickle of a chuckle, over that last line, for nelle has surely gone daft.

    You expand your own horizons, countingducks. I see it in every post you write.

    And Libya…fascinating.


  7. I think daydreams are as ephemeral as night dreams, which is why writing about them is probably the only way to sort them out. However, I believe even the most oppressed person has the freedom to daydream, as no one can really tell the difference if they are or not. As you say, though, they just don’t have the luxury of spending the day doing so, nor the freedom to express themselves outwardly.


  8. Caroline says:

    We should never become too scared to dream! and hopefully for the citizens of Libya their dreams are about to come true.

    I wish I had the eloquence to write as you do. I love this post. And for making me giggle – personally I’m a jam doughnut person!!



  9. I think blogging is an open letter to ourselves and allows us to communicate our thoughts with the world. And what better forum to do it while meeting new friends and creating wonderful new conversations. I love this blog.. Great writing


  10. says:

    This made me laugh. Thank you! “At regular intervals some part of my body might send a message up to mission control.”



  11. eof737 says:

    I enjoy your daily ruminations even when I finding myself veering off on a tangent myself… It’s fine to ruminate and then find yourself challenged by an odd or unrelated comment… humorous really. 🙂
    As for the CEO’s pronouncements, I believe Crispy cream doughnuts ARE the most DELICIOUS donuts ever. 😆


  12. Christine A. says:

    I wrote a comment this morning and honestly cannot remember if it went through since I was on the subway but it had something that said that I enjoy your thoughts, you putting them in words and letting people like me relate to it, feeling like I am not crazy alone.

    thank you.


  13. Lady E says:

    I like how your posts always prompt me to think about things I hadn’t considered, to sometimes see things in a different light, it’s so refreshing to get my neurons biting into something else that my current woes: Thank you for the escape it provides!
    To me, this was today’s gem, “human conduct and how our circumstances affect the way our opinions will be received or dealt with”. We judge people, their credibility, what they say or do, based on what they look like, how many other people believe in them, their job, their charisma, etc… It is so true and wrong in a way, so…human. x


  14. poppy23 says:

    “Blogging is the result of these ruminations. I write mainly to refine the conversation I am having with myself.” – sounds so familiar.


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