You know that feeling when it’s all gone wrong again. The second person you were with seemed so different from the first but strangely as time progressed seemed to act more like the person you last knew, having been so different when you  first met. You can’t believe you’ve done it to yourself –  again.

So many have been here. The haven we thought our feelings had has now become a prison .   Same jailor  in a different suit or frock, unmasked, unpacked.  Exposed for what they are. From frying pan to fire .How could we do it to ourselves ?  “Men are all the same” or “Women let you down” .The breeze becomes a gale.  There seems  more night than day and hope is on the run.  So different at the start, more charming and at ease. As weeks turned into months those features  we so feared reared their head  again.  Same person different name and body. The weariness we feel is more than we can bare. It’s worse than losing faith in them . We’re losing faith in us.

Sometimes it’s worse than that. More than horrible, or perhaps we’ve spent it all. The capital of understanding which we enjoyed. We have to get away. The mess we made or found is everywhere   and we must start again. A new job or a town; A different country perhaps but leave we must. That unresolved mess we drag round in our hearts has reared it’s head again. for somehow,   as we so often do,  we   met the person that we know, not the one  we need . They seemed so different at first , more charming and at ease. They made a fuss of us and gave us special treats. But gradually as weeks stretched into months those traits we feared appeared  out of a dream.

Once there, in that new place, lets say it’s many miles away or in another country. It was that bad. We sit in our new home and unpack those things we could not leave behind The clothes, the photographs some knickknacks from our past and  get to work. Connecting with the new. We have no reputation or expectation here.We can start it all again but then we find out the truth that  hurts.Wherever we go we always take ourselves. You cannot run from that. When you unpack your character always looks the same and slowly the life you left behind is rebuilt by what  you have inside.


About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
This entry was posted in creative writing, Life, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Packing

  1. backonmyown says:

    I’m so glad you’re home. It must feel really good.


  2. Tipsy Lucy says:

    Beautiful! I’ve found someone to help me unpack too. 🙂


  3. Kirri White says:

    Reminds me of something my dad used to say “Sooner or later, you have to be the man you are and not the man you think you should be” ~Kirri


    • Yes. That is spot on and a lovely thing to say Kirri. Says a lot about your dad that he said it


    • Julie says:

      Kirri, since I read and noted your quote from your dad, I have been continually thinking about it and reminding myself of its truth… It has become a mantra for me and is helping to shift my life. Thanks to you and your dad.


  4. Julie says:

    What amazing writing. Three chill bumps in one paragraph. ….Today I am feeling particularly vulnerable about the past (which is buried firmly in my present). What made me break down in your post was this: “The frustration of never being yourself made you angry. Sometimes the leaver and sometimes the left,” Hit a nerve that was begging to be hit. Your writing wakes up and feeds my soul. I totally relate to this post, including the happy ending. Isn’t it lovely when someone doesn’t seem to worry at the mess? I find that it brings a feeling of completeness. Thank you for bringing me back to that. I had begun to lose my footing.


  5. backonmyown says:

    You are fortunate to have a wise dad, Kirri.


  6. Caroline says:

    I’m so happy for you. That’s so lovely. I think that’s what the life coaching I’ve been through has been all about. I’ve unpacked me in front of someone who has been totally non-judgmental – just there to help me find the real me.

    Thank you for writing this – I feel a post from me formulating!


  7. Pingback: Unpacking through Life Coaching | I've Survived! And I'm about to "fly"!!

  8. Katie says:

    Such thought provoking words. It must be a wonderful feeling to find someone who will help you to unpack those suitcases without judgement. Mine are so full they are overflowing and bursting at the seams. Maybe one day …..


  9. Everything would always end up right,


  10. I’ve read this over a few times now as I knew it was speaking to me but just wasn’t sure exactly what it was saying. At first I thought it was reaffirming something that I no longer believe to be true i.e. that all we ever need is to find that ‘some one’. But, remembering I am a slow and reflective reader 😦 I realise it is actually affirming what I really do believe, that it is probably when we stop looking for that some one that we find the person we can be who we really are with, bags and all. This is so well put and I am so glad you can finally put your bags down. I hope you know how powerful your writing is 🙂


  11. eof737 says:

    I pray your cases remain unpacked and that your partner does same too… sometimes we unpack our cases but forget to embolden our partners to do same…. I love this post. 🙂
    PS. Catching up on commenting again after a hectic week that included 3 long days/nights at a yoga event. I will be attending another workshop in the coming week (7/11-7/14)and if I don’t leave comments, I will follow up on my return. 🙂


  12. ivesofmarch says:

    I just wanted you to know that I wrote a part of this on my dry erase board, so that I will always be reminded. This part: “In the end when you unpack, your character always looks the same and slowly the life you left behind is rebuilt by what you have inside”…I love your blog.


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