Dieting tactics

Left to myself I am not a big eater, at least that’s what I tell myself,  and my weight tends to stay fairly stable. My partner, however, is fond of the odd snack  in absent-minded moments. Having said that she is neither very large or very skinny but it’s so relaxing to have something non critical to worry about.  We return to this topic quite regularly. Not all our attempts are succesful but we are always filled with an optimism ungrounded in experience. We regroup and are soon discussing the new brutal regime which we will be following,: starting tomorrow. Occasionally this has involved emptying the fridge of temptation. So it has continued for some time but now something is different.

My Partner works in a large office were about 300 people plough through their endless paperwork. Once a year they raise money for UNICEF which is excellent. About 3 weeks earlier she  had had herself weighed in at the office as part of some general challenge to see how much weight they could lose over two months. The slightest breeze of change always exposes  fanatics  and one lady had already lost 30lbs: this is almost rude. We discussed her triumph in awe and took a well-earned rest after our brisk walk from the kitchen by sitting in front of the TV watching a film.

“I know” says I. “Why don’t you get the people at work to sponsor you weight loss challenge”. she smiled. “Great Idea” says she, so she wrote an email which could be sent out to everyone at her workplace asking for sponsorship. A new resolve filled us and we could both feel the commitment to the cause. When she returned from work the next evening she was smiling. “People are right behind the idea”.    she said. “Even the CEO wished me luck.” To celebrate we decided to go for a walk by the river. After a short car ride we parked up by a bridge and set off along the towpath.

It was a lovely sunny evening and we were filled with a  sense of purpose and conviction. Nature  in the form of swans and geese saluted our resolve . After a short while she complained that she had toothache. “Oh no” says I. “Lets try that pub. They might have a paracetamol which will sort you out”  Once inside the bartender politely told us that they had nothing to help. “How about a drink” she said. The pleasant surroundings and a couple of comfy chairs facing the river soon decided us and we bought our drinks and settled down to watch the passing river traffic. Her toothache seemed to have vanished and soon her eyes, quickly followed by mine, drifted towards the menu. We looked at it casually in a “not for us” manner before she said. “Shall we eat here”. “Why not” I answered, as I grazed through the various tempting plates on offer. “How about a couple of cheeseburgers”. In the spirit of conspiracy no one mentioned the diet or the upcoming weigh in. Why spoil the moment.

Later, in a pause from the frenzied munching she says. “These chips are simply delicious”.  I turned to answer her but my cheeks were bulging with delicious burger and I thought better of it.  We look at each other in silent enjoyment The view is beautiful and so is the food. I sip my beer contentedly.Once my mouth was empty I said “Ok”, and , never wishing to avoid a difficult topic asked, “Whats are the tactics for the weigh-in. It’s only two days away”. Quick as a flash my master strategist says, “Less jewellery, that should save a bit”. “Brilliant” I reply and we finish our drinks in contented silence, knowing another difficult obstacle had been overcome. Somehow or other the weigh in revealed she had lost one pound. Perhaps those burgers were not as fattening as we thought


About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
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5 Responses to Dieting tactics

  1. Caroline says:

    Wonderful!!! You write so brilliantly! Loved it


  2. Hilarious! This post actually says so so much behind the humour – loved it 🙂


  3. eof737 says:

    Less jewelry?! Now that is truly brilliant … and hysterical! 🙂


  4. vixter2010 says:

    Haha take off the jewellry love it! Burgers and chips just can’t be stopped 🙂


  5. cyberian says:

    wise, witty and true 🙂


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