Uninvited Water


Those of you who read or watch the news might have picked up that unusual weather has affected people in several countries all over the globe. Not wishing to hog the limelight, I must just add that I, Countingducks, am on the very edge of one of the areas being drowned by an over inflated River Thames. As I write the water is tickling at the gate, and with more rain forecast, may well make an uninvited entrance into the gardens, and hopefully not worse than that.

Already I have seen a couple of industrious  moorhens swimming over what used to be the river-side path and investigating these gardens for possibly holiday sites. Who can blame them: plenty of bushes and properties full of people willing to chuck some bread in their direction. Needless to say, the situation does have concerning implications and here, and elsewhere in the country, politicians have been spotted, looking grave and reflective while their eyes search the drowning horizon for some inspiration. Politicians I have found, are often more the masters of a phrase than a situation so the adopted pose may be a vital tool for maintaining credibility as nature disregards the planning laws.

The well dressed statesman, with shoes polished to a level of battle readiness seldom seen in Whitehall announces, “A state of emergency has been declared for this area”, and round him reporters and members of the public nod. Some twelve year old, unschooled in the nuances of public announcements asks him, “What does that actually mean sir”. The politician looks as lofty as the gusting winds  allow and repeats, but in a slightly deeper voice, “A state of emergency has been declared” and his eyes sweep the horizon in a manner which indicates to all that he alone has a telling vision of the future.

An aid leans forward towards the boy and, in an effort to cheer him up, tells him, “The British army,” recently cut back, ” Is in its Jeep and will be setting off shortly after they manage to find a new tyre for the front wheel. “What about the navy” asks the impertinent youngster, uncowed by the imposing sobriety of the civil servant, “The navy has been alerted to the situation  and may well be rowing to this location later in the day, weather permitting” . “What else can we do?” says the young boy, suddenly alarmed, and the government official, wising up to the situation, pulls himself to his full height and repeats, “A state of emergency has been declared and we is getting the hell outta here”. The Mazda Bongo Friendee, now utilised as a car of state, waits with engines running to whisk important personages only from the scene.

A light luncheon awaits them in Whitehall: as a mark of respect to those experiencing difficulties, no cheese course will be served.

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About Peter Wells aka Countingducks

Trying to remember what my future is
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34 Responses to Uninvited Water

  1. catterel says:

    As if the rising water levels weren’t enough, mud-slinging seems to be the politicians’ answer,. I’m with your 12-year-old. I do hope the ducks won’t soon be sailing in through your front door, Peter – it is a very alarming state of affairs and there is little time left to build an ark.

  2. Caroline says:

    Pure brilliance. This should be read out on the BBC. I’m fortunate to be living on a hill but I have friends at the bottom of said hill, who are now paddling through their homes.

    Ark Building for Dummies will soon become the MUST HAVE book of the year!!!

  3. Caroline says:

    By the way I have posted a link to this on my FB page!! xxxx

  4. Dylan Hearn says:

    “What does the actually mean?” A question nobody in the media seems prepared to ask. Excellent post!

  5. Stay safe and dry! (Good to see you are maintaining a sense of humor about it all).

  6. Ina says:

    Do you have a boat? You might need one. Stay safe and I hope damage won’t be too bad for you. Good write! x

  7. Marvellous! Says it all. That boy is destined for greatness in the kind of world we need and want as opposed to the one that is being forced upon us at our expense. Truly hope the water comes no further. One friend in Walton-on-Thames had to tell them about the floods as there were no warnings. She’s pumping away for the third time and fighting the insurance company who say her house is not on the riverbank. These people! FB & TW.

  8. Brilliant Peter! This just says it all for me! David Cameron looks as though he needs no water to drown him; he is managing quite well without it!

    I feel for all the people who are affected; some of them seem to be losing everything, its horrible.

  9. Al says:

    It must be comforting to know the pols are “on the job”.Now just go to bed and relax and let their eloquent speeches roll around in your head. These sugar plum fairies in 3-piece suits, bowlers and spits are aware of the situation now and all will soon be well. NOT.

    Seriously, hope you continue to avoid the worst of it. Sorry I let my low esteem of big government seep into this comment (no pun intended).Having said that, you need to take all steps necessary on your own to protect you and your partner and those lovely girls. Send us some pictures so we can follow your plight. God luck my friend.

  10. Having survived a number of flood scenarios, including having participated in helping to clean up the aftermath, I can well appreciate this bit. And, I agree, often the politicians’ best course of action would be to get out of the way and let people who know what they’re doing help. I sincerely hope you stay dry and manage to commute to the places most needed. Including the cheese counter, of course!

  11. As a fellow-riverside dweller, I suggest we form a raft by lashing together all the visiting politicos and sail away to drier climes on them.

  12. rod says:

    I heard a reporter say from one of the affected areas, ‘If politicians were sandbags . . .’
    How often has their COBRA committee met, and to what end?

  13. In the face of this crazy weather (wishing I had the rush of water rather than this perpetual sheet of snow) I wish I had your sense of humor. I loved the exchange between the aid and the boy!

  14. gotham girl says:

    Pure excellence! Stay dry and SAFE!

  15. Excellent writing – your dry wit cuts through this piece like paper through skin.

  16. babs50nfab says:

    You’ve got the wet and we’ve got the frozen variety. I’m personally not a fan of either. Thousands of people have just had their power turned back on after 5 days, and there’s a big Nor’easter heading our way tomorrow evening. Insane! Stay dry Peter!
    b

  17. justin says:

    Re the light luncheon…Will they be drinking still or sparking water?
    Great post which I found because you liked one of mine. Very glad you did. Your prose is intelligent and witty.

  18. CKoepp says:

    Wow… Too bad there’s no way to ship that excess water over here. This part of Texas has been in a drought for pushing hard at a decade now, and significant parts of Lake Travis can now be walked across without getting one’s toes damp.

    Stay warm and dry … and toss some toast to those poor moorhens. ;)

  19. Harry says:

    I feel sorry for all the people like yourself being flooded.
    As soon as an area floods in Northern Ireland they fix it, they dredged and put bigger drains in and the major problem was fixed.

  20. araneus1 says:

    Good luck Peter……….. all quiet here except for bushfire smoke…….. like a foggy day in the middle of Summer.

  21. Katie says:

    Do you own a boat? Good story.

  22. Mr. Liverpool leaves Monday for London. He was told to bring boots.

    We’ve had 80 below zero in MN.

    What is happening, man?

    Keep well, Dear. xxxxxOO

  23. Hilarious. As always. You are bracing good funniness in motion with messages aplenty so kindly hog the limelight any old time you please ;)

  24. auntyuta says:

    Great sense of humour while facing an emergency situation. I hope some help is going to arrive in case you need it. Army or navy? I wonder.

  25. We have a few of those here in DC. An extended Hawaii vacation while people struggle to pay bills comes to mind…

  26. jacquelinehanginginthere says:

    Oh Peter it’s just awful. I’ve been following it on the news and of course shouting at the television when I see our politicians making promises they are clearly pressured into making but probably won’t keep. Am I just a cynic? Keep well, warm and safe.

  27. Pingback: Uninvited Water | diendrial

  28. nelle says:

    Every day I see the headlines about the flooding there…scary. It seems the snow storms we get here build up strength and pick up milder air crossing the Atlantic, and then let it loose on you. I hope it eases soon.

  29. Hope you are staying safe and dry, Peter! Great post.

  30. restlessjo says:

    Since you liked my Six word Saturday, Peter, I’m happy that you’re still afloat. No, no! Perhaps that’s not quite how I should put it. Hope you’re not treading water. Is that better? :)
    Not really funny, is it? :(

  31. Ampbreia says:

    May you not end up swimming with the duck you like to count. Stay dry! Okay?

  32. lanodb says:

    Peter, wonderful commentary. I live in an area in north Texas and we have the opposite problem…extreme drought and our lakes are dwindling everyday. It’s very scary…and politicians promising to make it rain…yeah, right… Thanks for the “like” for my poem. Take care.

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