Tomorrow my partner is going away for a few days to see her daughter in Dubai: mother daughter binding time with cocktails and shopping. What could be better?. Needless to say she is very exited and I am really pleased she is having that special time with her daughter.
For her there is only one fly in the ointment. She worries that I am not capable of looking after myself properly while she is gone. This seems odd as all I have to do is get up, go about my business, cook and clean for myself. Not too taxing but she has her doubts as to whether I can operate the cooker efficiently and get the right stuff out of the fridge. Apparently I seem so disconnected from everyday life that just coping with the requirement of staying clean and healthy without detailed supervision might be beyond me. No doubt there is some value in her opinion: there normally is. Still the strong likelihood is that, when she returns, I will be at the airport to collect and bring her safely back to her home which , I hope, will still display operational levels of cleanliness
This might seem to be lacking in faith for some of you but there are some grounds for her concern. By and large I am not too worried about everyday life. I could have more in the way of luxury it’s true, but then again I might have less. I might not make the bed efficiently, but then there’s no one else to see it. Friends are coming over and they will see to it that I get the right proportions of telling off, support and beer.
You can’t blame her for this point of view, I can be infuriatingly absent-minded and disturbingly undisturbed about daily events. Yes I have taken pills and medication for this condition plus hypnotherapy, mental vacuuming and even some pilates but the condition persists. The key problem is I’m not that bothered about it. This, again is good or not good depending on your point of view. My point of view is we all have weaknesses and I’m used to the one’s I have and can deal with them. If I get rid of them they may be replaced by failings I find it harder to settle with so why change what is broken but livable with.
This is funny to me in that I’m reminded of the times when our boys were young and I’d leave for the weekend on a retreat or to see family. I’d leave frozen meals, complete with directions in the freezer as if he had no skills or mind of his own. They did just fine without me and that’s when the real issue surfaced. It isn’t always that we believe you guys can’t take care of yourselves, it’s really the fear (though we won’t admit it) that you’ll discover you don’t need us. Then what?
Arh! I feel your partners pain. If she is anything like me, she likes to do most things by default around the house, so when she realises its all up to you, its apparent that you haven’t gone through similar defaulted-ness of doing things around the house. I always think that when I am gone I will come back and my boyfriend will have grown a beard and start using the oven to hang his ties and the microwave as a table lamp. But when I come back, he usually surprises me. Everything IS ACTUALLY in order. I am sure everything will be fine! Enjoy you YOU time.
I am sure part of it also is that she loves the fact that you need her for the things you need her for. I know us girls complain sometimes that you can’t make the bed right or remember to put your dishes in the sink… and yes it does really frustrate us, but we also love the fact that we are needed. Granted we never openly admit to this as a desire to be needed…. we normally just bash you slightly that you aren’t capable of doing anything on your own.
Eat out, sleep downstairs, wear the same clothes until she comes home, spend time at your friends house.
Problem solved, no work, clean house etc, happy wife
That makes perfect sense!
I agree, problem solved mate
Thank you barbra and afroblush, i did not think anyone would agree with me
I agree with you all! They have a great non-worrier plan laid out for you Ducky my friend.
I agree
Couldn’t have put it better myself!!
Another agrees with me, but, will counting ducks agree
Hi Harry, the funny thing is I was over reading your Blog while you were commenting on mine. Yur advice makes perfect sense of course. Not changing the clothes may be difficult as in the world of skyping she can check on my wardrobe, and even notice if I’ve shaved or not. I can’t fault the main thrust of your idea and will apply it to my minimalist catering
I know, just change your shirt, Skype problem solved !
x
I know my husband doesn’t eat ‘normally’ when I’m away, but then I don’t either. There is something freeing about being alone and able to make the bed or not… eat dinner at lunch time… just have no one else’s opinion to concern yourself with.
Enjoy it!
b
exactly Barbara — and it is OK if he doesn’t change clothes or take a bath, because we aren’t there to smell it. hehe
Your analysis of a given situation never fails to make me smile. “Livable with” says it all. Enjoy being a bachelor again. And tell your partner I send good wishes for safe travel.
Just as I was about to comment, you commented on my new post! Great minds
I’m sure you’ll cope – no parties now!
Don’t hate me! But I always freeze meals for my husband before I leave…It’s the nurturer in me I need to make sure everyone is fed and feel less guilty about escaping for the weekend
I do that a lot too, but after that — I forget about it! hehe!
Could you email me your christain name for my blogroll please.
Make sure the house is clean on the day of her arrival and enjoy having the place to yourself
You won’t starve surely, eat what you like and skype a lot. But miss her like crazy! I enjoyed the read very much 
Ducky as always …. LOVED this post and totally enjoyed everyone’s comments.
Thanks for making me smile … again.
I’m quite sure you will survive as well. Quiet time is good for a reset, but ultimately, by the time you reach the gate at the airport, I’d guess you will be quite glad for her return.
—Dear, Ducky,
) x
where do you live? I’ll bake you some chocolate chip cookies and bring them over immediately!
I hope she has a good time in Dubai, and that you have a nice time at home.
The first two pizzas are already in the fridge so thats Thursday and Friday dinner taken care of. Lets face it: this almost smacks of luxery
And it is a luxury too…Time to be all by yourself and a little bit selfish perhaps, as well as an opportunity to appreciate each other’s company even more when she gets back… Unless she decides to take up residence inside a local shopping centre, sipping cocktails for the rest of her life
Enjoy your time alone and remember ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. Make sure that you have a bottle of wine cooling in the fridge and flowers in the house for her return. She won’t notice whether the dusting has been done!
She’s concerned about you. That’s great! Okay, maybe she’s a bit concerned about the state of your home when she returns. Understandable. But you seem to have strong relationship that can weather a few dirty dishes or unstocked refrigerator.
I always commented when teaching Gender Studies, if the man in a relationship is doing household tasks and he’s not doing them the way the woman wants them to be done, then is it any wonder he stops doing it? Would a woman continue trimming a hedge if a man told her she was doing it wrong all the time? No! As long as each partner is trying, let them do it their way. We all need to lighten up. Have I been lecturing again? Sorry!
Don’t worry about lecturing. Anything you have to say is always worth listening to
As long as you make an effort when you pick her up at the airport..it will be all good.
I hope she enjoys her time away. I, for one, know you will be fine…